In the Moment

So I know I have been absent lately.  But between school, work, and my family there is little time left at the end of the day.  Every once in a while I think about this blog and worry about coming up with a new post.  And then someone calls for me and it's forgotten once again.  But you know what?  It's OK.  That has been my motto on this blog since the first post.  And now I have something to back up the fact that it's not important for me to post all the time.

You may have seen the video floating around Facebook entitled "Look Up."  If you haven't, the link is at the end of this post.  I strongly encourage you to check it out.  It really hit home for me and it probably will for you, too.  The basic premise of the video is that people are spending too much time with technology and not enough time with other people.  Social interaction is becoming a thing of the past.  While the video has its critics, I think it is a wonderful reminder that we all need to be present, in the moment for our children and our families.

I have been guilty of spending some time scrolling through Facebook in the bathroom because I needed a few minutes away.  But I don't think is OK is when you are using it as a substitute for interacting with your family.  We've all seen the parents who take their kids to the mall and then sit on their phones while their kids run around terrorizing others in the play area.  And then we promptly take out our phones to share our experience on Facebook or Twitter or whatever.  When did it become OK to do that?  It's simply because we can.  It's there and it seems so present.

Electronics are a wonderful tool.  But that's all they are: a tool.  They should not be a replacement.  I think it's perfectly fine to send your loved ones texts throughout the day to remind them that you are thinking about them.  I think it's perfectly fine to put pictures on Facebook for family and friends that are not close (because let's be honest, printing and sending pictures is expensive!).  But don't let yourself think that because you spent all day doing these things for them electronically that it's OK not to actually do it when they come home or when you do get to see them.

In our family, we eat dinner at the table as a family, with no electronics.  Sometimes we leave the TV on, but that's a rare occasion.  When my husband and I have our rare date nights, we sit across from each other and talk.  No electronics.  When we go out to eat as a family, we do not use our phones to pacify our boys unless the services is terrible and the food is taking too long.  They know it's a time for us to be together, not to watch cartoons.  No one in our house owns a tablet.  We have a computer, it is not on when the boys are awake unless it's an extreme circumstance (like we just remembered a bill that needs to be paid NOW).  We only use the laptops to Skype with family that is far away.  Our boys play outside on a daily basis.  They get time at daycare, but we also try to include time at home.  They beg us to go outside instead of asking to watch TV.  They do get to watch some TV, but even what they get often makes us wonder if they are getting too much.

I am not perfect and, let's face it, neither are you.  And that's OK.  We don't have to be.  But we do have to present in our lives because no one else will.  If you don't parent your children or show love to your spouse, someone else might.  And that's not what any of us want.  Humans are social creatures; we have been for a very long time.  Many of us crave interaction with others and feel like we are getting through our phones.  But that's not real.  You can't touch or hug through the phone.  Do it for real.  Hug your kids.  Kiss your husband.  Give a high-five to the co-worker who just had something great happen.  Whatever it takes.

Don't forget why you had kids.  You most likely had them as an expression of love between you and your spouse or significant other.  Be the tangible love in their lives that they are to you.  Show them, tell them, just be there for them.  I promise you won't regret it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7dLU6fk9QY

Changing Things Up A Bit

I decided to try a new approach to my weekend.  They way things normally worked was chaotic and stressful.  It didn't seem to be working and I wanted to get some time to myself.  April is going to be a very busy month for me, and I really need to make the most of my time.  So here's what I changed.

I had been doing all of my cleaning, laundry, getting ready for the week on Sunday.  It felt good to have everything ready on Monday morning.  But here was the problem: that wasn't working.  I spent all weekend trying to get enough homework done (as a PhD student, it literally never ends) to give myself permission to clean.  It never worked.  I would spend all weekend worrying about not having enough time and I would get distracted by everything in my house that wasn't clean.  So this week, I changed my cleaning day to Friday.  I don't have class on Friday's, so I stayed home and cleaned.  I got all of the laundry washed, dried, and put away.  Dishes got done.  And I prepped veggies and fruit for snacks for the following week.  Saturday rolled around and I went to work on my homework.  I got SO much more done!  I figured out that doing all of the cleaning on Friday meant I wasn't thinking about it on Saturday and I could actually focus.  By Sunday at nap time, I was done with things that were due this week for my classes (even though there are other things I still need to get done) and I was able to relax on Sunday night.  Even though today didn't go according to plan, I feel like I handled it better because this weekend was less stressful.

Another perk to changing things up: I was actually able to enjoy time with my boys.  Instead of trying to wash dishes or fold laundry while they played, I could concentrate on them.  I didn't feel guilty for playing with my kids.  I used to feel like I should be cleaning or working but then it meant missing out time with the boys.  But if I spent time with the boys, I felt like I should be cleaning or working.  That contradiction never happened this weekend.  It's amazing what changing one little thing can do.

I challenge you to take a good look at routine.  How long has it been since you changed things up?  How long have you been doing the same thing?  And more importantly, is it working?  Really think about it.  Routine is good, but only when it is beneficial to you and your family.  Try something different if it's not doing the job.  If it is working for you, great!  You are probably several steps ahead of the rest of us in that regard.

Maybe it's not your routine that needs changing.  Maybe you should change your hair style or color, maybe try a new style of clothing, experiment with your makeup, rearrange your furniture, whatever!  It's always good to take a step away from your "normal" once in awhile.  You may find something new that you like or you may learn that what you are doing is just fine for you.  Either way, it is valuable information to have.  It's important to do this every once in awhile because as you grow, as your kids grow, as your family grows and changes, what worked once may not work forever.  And let's face it, things can get stagnant.  But no one needs to stay there.

HAVE FUN!

Listen to Your Kids

I am writing this post for two reasons.  First, I want to talk about a situation with our daycare provider and second, I want to encourage all parents out there to really listen to what your kids are telling you and learn to read between the lines.  I am going to preface this by saying that I am not a trained interviewer or anything like that, but I do have a background in child psychology so I had a pretty good idea to handle the situation that came up.  I am hoping that this will help others, but I also encourage parents to get appropriate authorities involved if necessary.

When we first found our daycare, we were very excited.  When we moved to Texas we were upset about leaving the daycare in Missouri because we were so happy with it.  We toured a few daycare facilities that left us unimpressed and then we stumbled on Daycare 1 (I am changing the name for various reasons).  It seemed perfect.  The boys started in August of 2013.  At first, my oldest son was so excited to go and he would cry on the days he couldn't go.  We could only afford for them to go 3 days a week but they were enjoying it a lot.  

Each classroom had 2 teachers.  In our older son's room there was one teacher, Miss Ann (again, I am changing names) that he was really drawn to.  He talked about her and she was very good with him.  The other teacher, Miss Mary, raised our eyebrows a little bit.  She was not as warm, she was short with the kids sometimes, and she seemed to get overwhelmed easily.  We kept an eye on her, but because our son was drawn to Miss Ann we weren't overly concerned.  Around Thanksgiving, Miss Ann got hurt and was moved out of the room.  This put Miss Mary in charge and that was when we started noticing some changes in our son's behavior.  He started getting an attitude and not behaving like himself.  Miss Ann would tell us he had a fine day at school, but then our son would tell us he had a bad day or a hard day.  We thought that it was just a phase; after all, he's 4 and it's not unusual for a kid that age to be somewhat defiant.

Around the same time, we started having issues with the front staff.  There were changes being made to the payment policy that was contrary to the arrangement we had made with the director of the center.  We were getting phone calls at least once, sometimes twice a week asking us when they were getting paid.  Because the boys were part time, we paid on the first day they attended which was Tuesday.  They started asking us to pay the Friday before for the next week.  If we didn't pay, we would get a call Friday and Monday asking us where the payment was.  After talking to the director, it was supposed to stop, but it didn't.  Then a couple of weeks ago we were told that they were going to automatic payments ONLY, meaning they were not taking payments in the center anymore and it would be drafted from our account the Friday before for the week ahead.  We were very uncomfortable about that and the director told us she would find out what, if any, other options would be available.  Several weeks went by with no answers.

My husband starting suggesting we look for a new daycare.  I was hesitant because I liked where they were and it was close to the house.  But he eventually talked me into going to look at some that were cheaper.  We found one that was amazing; smaller classes, caring teachers, didn't cost as much, and reminded us of our daycare in Missouri.  We decided to take the boys to see it, just to see how they would do.  I decided that I wanted to ask my oldest son how he would feel about looking at a new school.  I figured if he was very resistant and wanted to stay where he was, we needed to try to work things out. When I asked him how he felt about looking at a new school, he said, "Yes! A school with out Miss Mary."  A red flag went up in my brain.  I asked him why he wanted a school without Miss Mary.  He said, "She says I'm bad.  She makes me bad."  

At this point, I was very upset.  I called my mom to tell her what he had said.  He wanted to talk to Grandma, so I put her on speaker phone.  He started talking about Miss Mary and said, "She puts me in the corner."  Totally new information to me and I was livid.  However, I kept my feelings to myself because I didn't want him to know I was upset.  One of the things I have learned in my academic career is that you have to control how you react when a child says something like that because if you freak out, they will shut down.  They often think they are in trouble and they don't want to upset you, so if you don't react calmly, they quit talking.  By the time the boys were in bed and my husband got home from work, I was ready to hurt someone.

We discussed it and pulled them out of the daycare.  We did not give the two weeks notice that Daycare 1 requests in the handbook.  On their last day, the director and the account manager (who does the financial stuff) called us over to tell us that we had to give notice.  I told my husband to take the boys outside and I laid into them.  I had spoken with the education coordinator to make sure my oldest son was in a different classroom and had no contact with Miss Mary to finish out the week that we had paid for and I told her that we were done after that.  The director and manager kept saying we needed to pay for another 2 weeks.  I simply said, "I am not comfortable leaving my children in your care, I am not bringing them back, and we are done."  Eventually they let it go.

Only 2 days into the new daycare, I can honestly say I have my son back.  His attitude is almost completely gone and he is laughing and having more fun than he has in awhile.  He is constantly asking when he gets to go back and gets upset when we leave.  Both boys are playing and getting to do activities that wear them out; they are so tired by the end of the day.  That is how a daycare should be.

Now, I want to make a couple of points here.  Everyday my kids went to daycare, I would ask them what they did that day.  My oldest son would tell me what activities he did, but he never mentioned issues with his teacher.  Once I gave him the opportunity to, he opened up.  If you are asking your kids about their day, make sure you ask about their teacher once in awhile.  I really think my son wanted to tell me what was happening, but didn't know how.  Once I opened to door to that conversation, he took full advantage of it.  So don't just ask about activities, ask about friends and teachers, too.

Another thing: BELIEVE YOUR KIDS. From my training, kids are more likely to lie by leaving out information than they are to lie by making up things.  They will tell you something to test you, to see how you react.  If you react calmly, they will continue to talk.  That's what you want.  And unless you have a very strong reason to think otherwise, believe what they are saying to you.  I made sure to tell my son how proud of him I was for telling me the truth about what happened.  I want him to know that he can continue to come to me with problems.  I won't always be able to fix it for him, but in this case I could do something about it.

Last point I want to make: trust your instincts.  I can't help but feel a little guilty about not listening to my gut.  If we would have pulled them when we first starting having reservations, our son would not have gone through this.  If I would have listened to my husband when he first started suggesting we look at others, we could have avoided this whole mess.  While this was a learning experience for all of us, I hope that someone out there reading this will also learn from it and avoid the mistakes we made.  It is OK to demand what you think is best for your children and if you aren't getting it, it's OK to move on.

Now that the boys are in a different daycare, I am working on filing a complaint with Daycare 1.  We were told the teacher would be taken care of, but how do I know other kids in my son's class aren't going through the same thing?  In the end all I can do is bring to the attention of as many people as possible and hope it gets resolved.  Don't be afraid to rock the boat.  I used to worry about what people would think of me and I would avoid confrontation.  As I got older and then after having kids, all of that went out the window.  I will rock the boat as hard as I need to make sure my kids and my family are taken care of appropriately.  But I feel like I also took care of the situation without losing my temper; I handled it without yelling or blowing my top.  I got my point across without having to do that.  Just remember that acting quickly without thinking can do more harm than good.  And I kept remembering something my dad once told me: Having tact means you can tell someone to go to hell and make them think it was their idea to being with.  Be tactful and you will be just as satisfied with the results as if you would have screamed your head off.

At the end of all of this, I can say that I lived and learned, my kids are being taken care of, and you know what else?  It's all OK.

Boys and Girls

I have been thinking about how to approach this post for awhile now.  I just haven't been sure exactly what to say.  But I want to get it out of my head because I think it is more helpful that way.

About 2 months ago, we found out my oldest son needed glasses.  When we went to the store to pick out frames, my husband and I agreed that whatever he picked he could have because it meant he would actually wear them.  It turned into quite a struggle because he didn't want to try any on.  We eventually turned it into a game and he was focused on a pair of frames that had stars on them.  They just happened to be pink.  While my husband and I were trying to keep our younger son occupied and figure out what frames our older son wanted, the assistant leaned over to me and whispered, "Those are girl frames."

DUH.  I knew that.  They were pink, had stars and glitter, and had a well known kitty on them.  I turned to the lady and said, "I know.  But if it means he will wear them, I don't care."  She looked a little taken aback at what I said.  Kudos to her for accepting it and following my lead while talking to my son about them.  He eventually settled on a striped pair that he now calls his "tiger glasses."  But if he had stuck with the girl frames, you bet I would have bought them for him.

Now I'm sure some people reading this will say things like, "Don't you think he'll get made fun of?" or "He's a boy and you should dress him like a boy."  Of course I worried that he would get made fun of, but if they were what he wanted, he would have defended his decision to his friends.  Trust me on this, he is very strong-willed (and that's putting it mildly).  I also know that very few kids would get close enough and pay enough attention to his glasses, so the odds of that happening are pretty low.

Now to address the other issue.  Yes he is a boy and he dresses like a boy; that's what he picks.  But my boys are also fans of Doc McStuffins, Sophia the First, and some other shows that are geared toward girls.  If one of them decided that they wanted a toy or a shirt that was one of those characters, I would buy it for him.  I take the approach that my grandma had: every boy should have a doll and every girl should have a truck.

I have read stories about boys being teased for dressing up in girls clothes to play.  It's interesting that it doesn't always go the other way.  If a boy dresses like a girl, he's labeled a sissy.  Sometimes people even think he might grow up to be gay.  If a girl dresses like a boy, she's a tomboy.  Sometimes people might think she'll become an athlete.  So why does it make a difference?  If I had the answer to that, I would be rich.

I want my sons to be happy.  It took me almost 30 years to figure out what I wanted to do with my life that would make me happy.  I hope they figure it out sooner.  But will I be upset if one of them wants to dance instead of play football?  No.  Will I be upset if one of them wants to be involved in theater instead of basketball? No.  As long as they are doing what they want, I don't care.

You don't have to agree with me.  Parents can do what they think is best for their children.  Just don't force your values or gender roles on your children if they choose something else.  Let them be kids and let them be who they are.  Everyone will be happier for it, and guess what?  It's OK.

Resolutions: Yes or No?

I've seen a few people on my Facebook page talking about New Year's resolutions.  It got me thinking: should I make one or should I make none?  In December of 2011, I wrote a note on Facebook (notes were all the rage at that time) about making what I called non-resolutions.  Here's what I wrote then:

Ok, I have been thinking a lot about resolutions and the ones everyone always makes.  Lose weight, stop smoking, exercise, blah, blah, blah.  I don't want to make resolutions I know I won't keep.  So here is my list of things that I am NOT going to do instead of things I say I will do and won't.  Hence, non-resolutions.  All the experts say to use positive language in your resolutions, but I am going to break that rule here today. 

1. I am NOT going to feel bad for enjoying food.  Yes, I will still watch my weight and eat healthy as much as I can, but little pleasures are good for everybody.  And, as my former Weight Watchers Leader told me, I can enjoy foods I like and still get to a healthy weight.
2. I am NOT going to feel like a bad mom for making decisions I think are best for my kids.  Or even making decisions I regret later.  My kids are not going to come to me in 30 years and say, "My life is in ruins because you didn't breastfeed me until I was a year old, made me eat my veggies, didn't bathe me everyday, and didn't give me a set bedtime."
3. I am NOT going to feel bad for having a less than hospital clean house.  I have 2 little kids and if I followed them around cleaning, I would never get anything else done.  It is ok if the floor is dirty, the dishes aren't always done before I go to bed and the laundry sits in baskets for a few days.  As one of my KLASS kiddos so eloquently put it, "My daddy said God made dirt so dirt don't hurt."
4. I am NOT going to feel bad for taking time out for myself.  If I don't, I may go crazy and go out with my pants on backwards or two different shoes on.
5. I am NOT going to be upset if things don't go as planned.  Life happens right?  So why not just go with the flow.  Human beings adapt well and it's good for us to have surprises in life.  Who cares if the surprise is Ben fingerpainting with his poop or Marc suddenly rolling into a dog drool spot?

So here they are!  My 2012 Non-Resolutions.  Anybody care to join me in the new year?

I think I did ok with most of them.  I have certainly been more accepting of life's surprises and my house is only clean for about 5 minutes before company shows up.  I still have to work on taking time out for myself, but I think every mom struggles with that to a certain extent.  And if you're a mom and you have that part figured out, will you please let the rest of us know how to do it?

What kinds of resolutions or non-resolutions do you want to make?  I firmly believe that when I wrote these two years ago, I had no idea if I would be able to do any of them.  I also know that when I wrote these, I was a tired mama with a 2 year old and a 6 month old and I knew there was no way I could realistically do any more than this.  In all honesty, don't make resolutions you know you won't keep or make the same ones you made last year.  Try something new, if you want to do resolutions.  It may lead you to a place you never expected.  And those adventures can be some of the best.

Where Did the Holiday Spirit Go?

Today I have a topic on my mind and I hesitate to write about it.  Not because I might make some enemies (which will probably happen), but because I'm ready to call out society on something that I think is a BIG issue.  Still with me?  Ok, here we go.

When I was a kid, I remember Christmas as an almost sacred experience.  I'm not talking about religion here, but the fact that everything shut down for Christmas Day.  With the exception of medical staff, emergency services, travel, and things like that, the whole world seemed to stop that day.  People weren't running around on Christmas Eve buying last minute presents or trying to get good deals.  If they did go out, it was to make sure they had everything they needed before stores closed up shop for the holiday.  Nobody would even think about touching Christmas Day; it was too important.

I'm not that old, either.  I'm almost 30, but that kind of mentality was there (so don't go thinking that I'm referring to the "good old days" from the 1950's because I'm not).  Why am I talking about this now?  Because I just found out that my husband has to work on Christmas Day.  Now, if he were a police officer, a firefighter, a doctor, or something like that, I would be ok with it.  That's a part of the job that people in those professions (among others) take on.  But he isn't any of those things.  Know what he does?  He's a SERVER.  In a restaurant.

Let that sink in for a minute.  He is going to be waiting tables for 12 hours on Christmas Day because the place he works for decided to be open (they were open on Thanksgiving Day as well).  They also decided that everyone who works on Christmas works a double shift, open to close.  Which means we are going to rearrange Christmas for our 2 boys, who are now 2 and 4.  They won't know because neither of them can read a calendar.  If we tell them it's Christmas, they will think it's Christmas.  But that isn't the point here.  The point is that we have to do it at all.

More and more places have started staying open at times that I think are ridiculous.  It started with small holidays: Memorial Day and Labor Day, things like that.  Then it started spreading.  Now stores are open on Thanksgiving Day for Black "Friday" specials.  To be fair, I have been Black Friday shopping a handful of times, but I always went as a personal favor to my sister.  And I have not, and will not, go out on Thanksgiving.  EVER.  Want to know why?  Because it's not fair to the people who have to sacrifice their holiday to deal with people who are ready to beat each other up to save a few bucks.  I worked Toys R Us on a Black Friday when I was in high school; it was one of the worst days of my life.  And people die on Black Friday, folks.  Want to explain to your kids that someone you love DIED to try to save money?  That is not a conversation I want to have or be the subject of.

Our society is forgetting how magical Christmas should be.  We are forgetting that it shouldn't be about presents (I mean really, who gives a car with a huge red bow on it as a gift?  Here, I bought you a present and you'll be making monthly payments on it for the 5 years!).  It should be about family, friends, and creating memories.  I am trying to prepare myself to raise my boys in a society that is slowly and surely loosing its grasp on what is important.  How am I going to explain that to them?  I don't have a clue.  But as long as they live in my house, they will understand that our family comes first and Christmas is a day that should serve as a reminder of that.  Every holiday should be a reminder of that.

If we, as a society, forget what should be important, what else is going to suffer?  Some companies are already paying employees extra for NOT using their vacation days.  Leisure time is starting to increase for Americans but we are still way behind other countries.   Just Google "how many weeks of vacation do Europeans get?" and start reading.  I think you'll be surprised. 

For those of you who think my husband and I are selling out because, yes, he is going to go to work on Christmas Day, think again.  We discussed the possibility of him just not going.  But the place he works for recently brought the hammer down and if he doesn't show, he runs the risk of getting fired.  And right now, we simply cannot take that risk.  Isn't that what happens to a lot of people?  People get sucked in to a job and then can't get out.  But it isn't just people working crummy jobs, there is a demand, too.  Stores are opening earlier around Thanksgiving because that's what people "want" and people show up.  At the risk of sounding harsh, if you shopped at a store on Thanksgiving Day, you are part of the problem.

So how do we fix it?  I don't have a good answer for that.  I can tell you what we are doing.  First, we shop for our kids throughout the year.  We watch sales in the paper and online, we browse the clearance aisles as stores, and we sign up for emails to places that advertise good deals.  For example, we got an Angry Birds bike, already assembled, for our oldest son for Christmas for $25.  It was the floor model from Wal-Mart.  If we wouldn't have been looking, we probably wouldn't have found it.  Second, by shopping this way, it is much easier on our budget.  Instead of trying to spend several hundred dollars at once or making said money stretch as far as possible, we are able to absorb the cost over the course of the year.  Third, in our house, we do not go out on holidays.  We plan ahead and make sure we have everything we need beforehand.  And if we forget something, too bad so sad.  We do without.  This year it meant I didn't get stuffing on Thanksgiving because we forgot the bacon in my great-grandmother's recipe.  So I'll be making it for Christmas instead.  Guess what?  I survived.  And lastly, we make sure our kids understand how important family is.  We don't really talk about it at their age, but we show it.  We spend time together and do fun things to create memories with each other.  And THAT, is the most important thing.

Ok, I think my rant is over. 

The "Truth" About Santa Claus

I have been seeing things on Facebook during this holiday season that are starting to get on my nerves.  The biggest one is that some parents are putting down other parents for "lying" to their children.  About what, you ask?  SANTA CLAUS.  Are you kidding me?  I take offense to this because my boys do believe in Santa Claus and as far as I'm concerned, I will do whatever it takes to let them believe as long I can.

I believed in Santa growing up.  I have some amazing and fantastic memories of things Santa did.  And none of those memories, NONE OF THEM, ever changed even when I stopped believing in Santa Claus as a single person.  As an adult, I do still believe in Santa, but in a different way.  Those people who go around paying lay-aways that are about to be cancelled?  That's Santa.  The people who put thousands of dollars or rare coins in the Salvation Army pots?  That's Santa.  All of the people who donated money and toys to non-profits?  That's Santa.  Santa DOES exists, if you choose to believe in him.

The people who say I am lying to my children, in my opinion, are wrong.  When they are old enough to start asking questions, I will tell them that Santa is not the person they thought he was.  But I will also show them how to be Santa for others.  I seriously doubt there are children out there who are permanently scarred for life because they found out the truth about Santa Claus.  And if there are, there is probably more to the story.

Will I "lie" to my children about the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy, and Fred (our Elf on the Shelf)?  Absolutely.  Because childhood is a magical time and place; it only happens once.  I feel like it is my job as a parent to make it as special and as magical as possible.  It will grow their minds and their imaginations.  It will teach them how to dream and how to have fun.  Will they be disappointed when they no longer believe with that childlike faith?  I'm sure they will.  But they will ALWAYS have the memories I helped create for them.  Nothing can take that away from them.

The people who say I am teaching my children to be dishonest, in my opinion, are again wrong.  Santa taught me how to give without expecting anything in return.  Think about it: Santa flies all over the world to give gifts to good children.  What does he ask for in return?  NOTHING.  Sure, he gets cookies and milk, but not every family can do that.  Does he punish families that don't leave him food?  Of course not.  He gives out of the goodness of his heart, because he loves you.  Is that a bad thing to teach my children?  I don't think so.  I would hope they learn to be generous to people who are less fortunate.  My boys won't remember the Christmas that we only had toys because they were donated to us.  I was laid off of work while pregnant and all our savings was spent on survival.  People I don't know, I will never know, made donations to local organizations to help families like us.  If I can teach my boys to do the same once they are old enough, then sure, I will "lie" about Santa Claus.

Just to be clear, I am not condemning any parent for his or her choices.  Every parent is free to teach their children what they want.  Just don't tell me I am damaging MY children for allowing them to believe in Santa Claus.  And deep down, don't we all want to believe?