Last night my husband and I actually got to go on a date and spend some time with adult friends. It was SO nice. We were talking to a couple who recently got married in September and the wife mentioned having spent all day writing thank you notes. The more we talked, the more we all agreed that manners seem like they are becoming a thing of the past. And I mentioned that by the time our boys were older, they would probably be the only ones who would write thank you's and say please and thank you. My friend said, "Well, at least you know they'll have good manners."
Yes. They will. But not just because that's how I was raised. It's also an important thing for them to learn. In my opinion, it helps teach empathy. Why should you say sorry when you hurt someone? Because you feel bad and you want them to know. You don't like being hurt, so you shouldn't hurt others. Why should you say please when asking for something? Because you want to let people know what you need some help without demanding what you want. Why should you say thank you? To let someone know you appreciate what they did for you. This all seems like common sense, but I know lots of kids don't do this.
Now before you think I'm blaming parents, I'm not. Sometimes parents can do it all right but it doesn't seem to matter because of the culture we live in. Think about TV shows, movies, magazines, commercials, the list goes on. How often do you see people using manners? Occasionally, I would say, but not nearly enough. Go watch a classic movie or TV show and I bet you would see a lot more. My point is that our society, our culture, is showing kids that manners are not important. It's teaching boys that they don't need to hold open the door for their date and it's teaching girls not to expect it. Well why the heck not? My husband does all of that for me. He opens doors and let's me go in first. He won't eat until everyone at the table it served. Once, in a restaurant, he took our oldest son (who was still a baby at that point) so that I could eat with both hands. He actually had another customer come up to him, an elderly gentleman, who complimented him for doing that.
I am proud of the fact that my boys know to say please, thank you, and sorry. I write thank you notes for them because they can't write yet, but they tell me what to say and they sign it. Eventually they will be able to do it on their own. They say excuse me when they bump into someone. But it's not just because we've taught them, it's because we've SHOWN them. Kids see what you do, more than we want to admit. If you want your kiddos to be more polite, show them how.
Our kids should know how to use manners and expect to be treated respectfully by others. I worry for future generations because manners are important. I don't think any of us want to live in a world full of rude, inconsiderate people but to a certain extent, we already do. Let's change that, shall we?
