Ever have those days where you feel like a complete failure at life? Those days when you feel so completely crushed by the weight of everything that is going on that you see no way out? That it's hard to see the promise of the future because you cannot get past your current situation? Yeah, those. I've been having a lot of those lately.
It's very difficult when you feel pressure from every aspect of your life. Financial, emotional, challenges with parenthood, challenges at work/school, taking care of yourself, taking care of everyone else, keeping up with chores, keeping every one fed (this can be financial and emotional), the list goes on and on. That is a very heavy burden that all mama's bear at some point in life. Some of us handle it better than others. I like to think I do pretty well, but tonight I reached my limit.
While I am not ready to go into details about all of it yet (I will at some point, once I get past it), suffice it to say that I felt the pressure and it got the better of me. And while I was trying to hold it together, I went to lay down with my youngest son because he wasn't sleeping. As I laid there, my brain would not shut off and I could not hold my tears back any longer. I was trying to hold it in and be quiet because I didn't want my son to know I was upset. But you know what? He noticed anyway. He looked at me and started rubbing my arm, like I do to him when he's upset.
It was humbling to see my 3 year old being able to empathize with me, understand my feelings, and be able to respond to them. It made me feel like I was doing something right. While some mama's might not be comfortable being comforted by their child, I let him. Not only did it make me feel better, it made me realize that my biggest job, the only thing that I should be worried about, is being a mama.
I don't have any advice on how to deal with life's pressures and stresses. All I can suggest is cry when you need to, love when you need to, and don't be afraid to let your kids see that. They feel it too, and need to see how you handle it. It's OK to cry, it's OK to feel like a failure; I think everyone does. And if you haven't reached that moment yet, you will. It's OK to crumble once in awhile. I think as mama's, we think we have to be perfect and should feel bad when we can't measure up. But who are we measuring ourselves against? Other mama's who are doing the same thing. So here's a suggestion. Why don't we all just stop comparing ourselves to others? Everyone has someone they think is a better mama, but that mama has someone she feels inferior to as well. If everyone feels inferior, no one is going to be at their best. Just love your kids and love yourself.
And you know what? It's going to be OK, even if you can't see it right now.
