As an NTPM, there are a lot of mamas that I look to for inspiration, motivation, and feelings of acceptance. Some of them are online, others are real, flesh-and-blood friends of mine. And some of them come to my rescue when I least expect it.
At work a couple of weeks ago, I got a phone call from my husband. He was very upset and told me that he was ready to throw in the towel on homeschooling. I managed to talk him down and told him that maybe we needed to revise our schedule (among other things, but that’s not important right now). As soon as I hung up the phone, I immediately went searching for a friend of mine.
This friend is one of the mamas I look up to. She has a beautiful little girl that she loves dearly. She is very successful in our line of work, including winning multiple awards. She is always well dressed, always happy to see everyone, energetic, bubbly, and genuine. She is just an all around amazing woman and mother. I went to find her because I needed to talk about what had just happened. I felt like a failure and I knew she would be able to commiserate with me.
What happened was a lot more than I bargained for (in a good way!). I ended up in an office with my mama friend and another friend that, while not having kids of her own, loves my boys dearly and I knew she would listen as well. The three of us are talking about what happened and I just lost it. There I was, crying, feeling like a failure as a mom, feeling like a failure at my job, just feeling lost and overwhelmed with everything life has thrown at me. My dear friend stands up and just bear hugged me. As hard as she could. It was like she was hugging love right into me.
As I pulled myself together, she proceeded to tell me that she sees ME as someone that SHE looks up to. I was completely floored. I never thought that anyone would look up to me because from my perspective, I was barely hanging on - and that is not what people aspire to. My first reaction was to brush her off and tell her that she shouldn’t look up to me because I am so far from having this mama thing figured out that I might as well be on the moon. But I stopped myself. Instead, I told her that I looked up to HER. I don’t know if she felt the same way I did when I heard her say it, but she came up with an amazing idea.
While I think she would agree that we are both not the perfect mamas, we saw in each other the “SuperMom” moments - moments we have a hard time recognizing through our flaws. To remind ourselves of that moment, she printed off a blank superhero cape coloring page. She colored one for me and listed all of the things that she thought I was super at. And I did the same for her. Once complete, we both taped them up in our offices.
This was an eye-opening experience for me. I realized that I had neglected to tell my friend how much of an inspiration she was to me. I just assumed she knew how great she is! And I also learned that despite what I saw as my own shortcomings, other mamas look to me as a source of inspiration, just like I do to them. That really boosted my confidence and helped me take a step back from everything that I thought I was doing wrong and focus on what I am doing right.
The biggest lesson to take away from this is that we should be telling each other how much other mamas mean to us! Especially not the perfect mamas. My friend’s belief in me helped renew my drive to do what is best for my kiddos which then helped my husband and I make changes that needed to be made. With all of this in mind, I want to issue a challenge. Who is the NTPM that you look up to? Once you have identified her (or even THEM), I challenge you to TELL HER THAT. Let her know how much she means to you! I guarantee you will make her day.
And remember...it’s going to be OK.
~ Angela
