tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47973233279661894112024-03-14T02:59:09.327-05:00Not the Perfect MamaThis blog is my place to talk about my worries, challenges and wonderful moments of being a mother. I hope all mommies will realize that we do not have to be perfect, just love our kids the best we can.Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-36315842682546672872017-11-08T14:01:00.000-06:002017-11-08T14:01:32.857-06:00NTPM's Decision Series #1: Making a Decision About Education<i>This blog post is the first in a series of posts centered around decisions that special needs families need to make. In this post, Angela will be discussing decisions centered around education. Future posts will include decisions about medication, therapy choices, and natural/alternative treatments. </i><br />
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When you are the parent to a kiddo with special needs, there are A LOT of choices that you will be faced with. Some you will be expecting, like medical choices or therapy choices. Others will come a surprise. For me, deciding what education platform would be best for my boys was a surprise choice. I just assumed (and you know what happens when you do that!) that public school would be the best option, but that turned out not to be the case for our family.<br />
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When my oldest son started kindergarten, everyone was very excited. We met the teacher, bought school supplies and new clothes, dealt with nerves, and all of the things most parents do at the beginning of the school year. Everything seemed to be going well. At our first parent-teacher conference in October, the teacher told us he was progressing well overall, but there were some concerns. His handwriting was not very good and he was acting out in class when he got bored. We talked to our son about it and we worked on some other things he could do when he got bored. Everything seemed to be going well again.<br />
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Then December came. Two major events happened that had us questioning public school. First, our son had his 6 year old checkup with the doctor. The doctor told us that he had quite a large spike in his weight gain. Enough of a spike that the doctor told us we needed to cut back on what he was getting for lunch. The concern that we had was that he was eating the same lunch he always had (we packed his lunch because he did not like the cafeteria food). After talking with the doctor, we figured out that the weight gain was most likely because he was being less active, not that he was eating too much. Sitting behind a desk for 8 hours a day was taking a toll on his little body.<br />
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Later in December we found out just how much of a toll school was having. Our son was being seen once a month by a physical therapist for a leg length discrepancy. The PT would measure his legs and adjust the lift in his shoe to make sure he wasn't having any discomfort. In December she had to do a complete evaluation for the insurance company. She came to us after the evaluation and told us that he had lost enough core muscle strength that he was unable to complete tasks that he had previously been able to do. He could no longer do sit-ups, he struggled to stand or hop on one leg because his core was not strong enough to help him balance. The PT recommended going from one visit a MONTH to one visit a WEEK. Just to help him regain skills he had lost.<br />
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The final straw for us happened in the spring. We were having a 504 meeting to prepare for 1st grade. At that point, we knew we would be moving within the next year or two so we wanted a plan that we could take anywhere. I wanted things included in the plan that his teacher was already doing, even though she was not required to do them (like giving him space to cool down when he got anxious). I had to fight, tooth and nail, to make sure his 504 plan included a statement that his recess could not be taken away as a punishment. I got it in there, but I was upset at how hard I had to push to make that happen.<br />
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That was when we started discussing other options. Private school was not an option because we could not afford it. I brought up home-school, fully expecting my husband to shoot the idea down right away. To my surprise, he did not. We talked about it at length: what it would mean for the boys, what we would have to do, how we would make sure needs were being met, etc. A large part of our decision had to do with therapy. Between the 2 boys we were already at about 9 therapy appointments a week. Doing those in after school hours was getting more and more difficult, because everyone needed after school appointments. But, if we could do therapy during the day, when schedules were more flexible, then we could fit everything in and do schoolwork in the afternoon and/or evening.<br />
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At the end of the kindergarten year, we officially filed with the state (every state is different; the state were in at the time required us to notify the school district that we were homeschooling). We both felt SO relieved! We knew that even though it was a very hard decision to make, it was the RIGHT decision to make. Later on, our son started revealing some of the other problems he was having at school that he had not told us about during the year. At 5-6 years old, he was already the target of bullying. That was part of why he would get in trouble in class; other kids would push his buttons and when he responded, he was often the one caught and punished. I cannot tell you how much better I felt knowing that he would not be subjected to that anymore. And I could tell that HE felt a lot better, too.<br />
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As we discovered on our journey to choosing the right path for our family, there are several things each family needs to consider when deciding what educational platform is right for your kiddo(s).<br />
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<b>1. Are my child's therapy/medical/other needs being met in the current situation?</b><br />
I think the first important thing to address is whether or not your child is doing well where they are. If your child's needs are being met, there may not be a reason to change things. BUT, if you think there is more that could be done, if you have reservations about the professionals that are with your child on a daily basis, if you can see that your child is not doing as well as he or she could, it may be time to consider other options.<br />
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<b>2. Are there things that could be put in place in my child's current educational situation to make it better for my child?</b><br />
Here you want to think about a 504 plan or an IEP. A 504 plan, like my son had, is a plan that lists modifications that can be done in the classroom setting to help a child be successful with the curriculum. An IEP, or individualized education plan, is a plan that makes modifications to the curriculum to help a child be successful. You would want to talk to either your pediatrician or other professional to decide which plan might be the best.<br />
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<b>3. Does my child need a completely different educational environment?</b><br />
If you think your child might need something different, do some research about what is available in your area. Depending on what your child needs, age, functioning, diagnosis, etc., there may be schools or programs in your area that would be better for your child. You can also consider homeschooling and private school. If you are looking at homeschooling, you will need to become familiar with the home-school laws in your state. If you want to consider private schools, you will need to know about cost, including tuition and uniforms. Some private schools offer scholarships if tuition is a concern. But also make sure the school knows what your child needs; some private schools are not as accommodating to special needs.<br />
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<b>4. What will my schedule allow?</b><br />
The home-school environment has been working very well for us, but my husband and I both have jobs with flexible schedules that allow us to take turns doing schoolwork. You can work and home-school; you just have to figure out if it works for you. The other thing to consider with schedule is how therapy, medical appointments, etc. will be influenced by your schooling choice. Private schools may have stricter attendance policies, while homeschooling doesn't have formal attendance. Though in some states, you will need to keep a log of hours or other materials, so again, do some research and be familiar with the requirements of your state.<br />
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This is our second year of homeschooling. It has been hard at times, easier at others. It is definitely a journey and we are all learning as we go. As a NTPM, I struggle with worrying about whether or not we are doing the right thing. But as long as the boys are making progress, I really try not to beat myself up about it. If you choose the homeschooling route, just know that Pinterest is a great tool...but if it makes you feel inadequate, DON'T LOOK! In the end, I know it's going to be OK.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07964254311469507775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-58590575838411223282017-11-01T12:51:00.002-05:002017-11-01T12:51:52.493-05:00Who are you WITHOUT the kids?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Sherri here! Glad you could join me.</div>
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So, today I wanted to discuss a topic that many of us don't put any serious thought to on a regular basis. Perhaps it has fleetingly crossed your mind, only to be overtaken by more pressing issues - like the snack that just got spilled, the massive piles of laundry that needs to be done, or the sibling bickering that has suddenly become a full blown meltdown. However, it's *vitally* important to come back to it as it will actually help you be a better parent!<br />
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<b>Who are you WITHOUT the kids?</b></div>
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There seems to be a running joke that when you become a parent, you lose your life. To be perfectly honest, it can feel like that's not all that far from the truth! Moms especially tend to feel this way. Your perspective on all the things you used to do or be before having children is very different after a child comes. However, I'd venture to say that it's not so much that you lose your life...it just changes. A LOT. All at once. It's easy to get lost in all the things you "should" do or be now, and completely forget what you did or who you were before. THIS.IS.DANGEROUS. You cannot expect to change what you do or who you are drastically and suddenly without yearning for how things were.<br />
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Enter MOM GUILT.</div>
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<i>"But I should love being a stay-at-home mom...I shouldn't wish I could trade places with my husband when he leaves for work."</i></div>
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<i>"But I should love being a working mom...I shouldn't be bawling everyday after dropping my kids off at daycare."</i></div>
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<i>"But I should love being a mom...I shouldn't feel bad for dropping the kids off with a sitter so I can go out without them."</i></div>
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Etc, etc, etc. I am quite certain you can think of a sentence similar to these that has run through your head before! AND IT'S OKAY. Really! Just think about it...</div>
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Are you the same person you were before you had a child?</div>
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YES.</div>
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Do you have the same likes & dislikes as you did before you had a child?</div>
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YES.</div>
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Are there things that you enjoyed doing before you had kids that you still enjoy doing?</div>
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YES.</div>
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Regardless of everything that has changed around you, YOU are still the same person underneath it all. If you try to ignore that or completely change that person, you will likely find yourself in a very unpleasant place. Just like your kids need attention and nurturing...so does the person you still are OTHER than "Mom".</div>
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Plus, let's be honest, parenting is temporary. Truly! Although you will *always* be mom and you will *always* worry about and watch out for your kids...eventually they move on. This is true even for special needs parents. While it may not look the same as a neurotypical family, it still happens. This is a slow progression - which can be good and bad! Thankfully our kids don't all of a sudden *POOF* grow up and don't need us anymore. Can you imagine how traumatic that would be? Rather, it happens over many years, a little bit at a time. The exact rate is different for each child, but the truth remains. Because it's so slow, though, it can be easy to feel like it sneaks up on you. One day your child doesn't want/need help on homework anymore...the next, they are moving out.</div>
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So...what happens then? What happens to YOU? You may have just spent the last 20-30 YEARS being Mom. Now what???? I say, again...</div>
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<b>Who are you WITHOUT the kids?</b></div>
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Of course, the answer to that question is different for every mama. Here's the thing: if someone were to walk up to you today and ask you that question, COULD YOU ANSWER IT? I figure that if you're still reading this article by now...the answer is probably no.</div>
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<b>Here's how to figure it out:</b></div>
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Make a list of all things you do (or did) enjoy AND DO THEM.</div>
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Seriously! That's it. Easier said than done, you say? Absolutely!</div>
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Look, you already HAVE the answer to this question. I bet if you took a moment, you already know what things you like. The real challenge is spending time doing them. My point here is NOT to add one more thing to your already over-filled plate. In order to spend some time with the things that define you and your personality without the kids, you are going to have to put something else down - even if it's just temporarily. We can't do "IT ALL" and trying to just makes things worse! Have you ever heard the oxygen mask analogy? Let's revisit. On every flight, what does the flight attendant tell you to do in case of an emergency? Put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. The logic is simple: you can't help anyone else if you yourself are passed out from lack of oxygen. Figuring out who you are and what you like WITHOUT the kids will help you be a better mama when you are WITH the kids. Plus, eventually when you are not all mama all day, you won't feel so lost.</div>
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So, if you like to paint or read or skydive or sew or bike ride or go out with friends or whatever...DO IT! The Mom Guilt will likely plague you at first. Just being honest. Which also means that, at least at first, these things you enjoy...won't be so enjoyable. Try again. Or try something different. Just don't quit trying! Eventually, the guilt will fade, especially as you see the benefits to your family when you feel better. There's also nothing saying that you have to find time away from your family to do these things! Find ways to include the kids - then give them the option to join you again or not. They need to see that there is more to life, and to you, than just mama. They also need to see that not everyone enjoys the exact same things...and that it's okay! The important part to remember is this... </div>
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You are a valuable person, both with and without the kids.</div>
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You ARE Not The Perfect Mama.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07964254311469507775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-35010228411713617962017-10-25T13:43:00.003-05:002017-10-25T13:43:54.958-05:00Who is the (NOT) Perfect Mama YOU look up to?<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As an NTPM, there are a lot of mamas that I look to for inspiration, motivation, and feelings of acceptance. Some of them are online, others are real, flesh-and-blood friends of mine. And some of them come to my rescue when I least expect it.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-4b6ff009-54d8-8817-177d-8b941f255273" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">At work a couple of weeks ago, I got a phone call from my husband. He was very upset and told me that he was ready to throw in the towel on homeschooling. I managed to talk him down and told him that maybe we needed to revise our schedule (among other things, but that’s not important right now). As soon as I hung up the phone, I immediately went searching for a friend of mine. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This friend is one of the mamas I look up to. She has a beautiful little girl that she loves dearly. She is very successful in our line of work, including winning multiple awards. She is always well dressed, always happy to see everyone, energetic, bubbly, and genuine. She is just an all around amazing woman and mother. I went to find her because I needed to talk about what had just happened. I felt like a failure and I knew she would be able to commiserate with me.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What happened was a lot more than I bargained for (in a good way!). I ended up in an office with my mama friend and another friend that, while not having kids of her own, loves my boys dearly and I knew she would listen as well. The three of us are talking about what happened and I just lost it. There I was, crying, feeling like a failure as a mom, feeling like a failure at my job, just feeling lost and overwhelmed with everything life has thrown at me. My dear friend stands up and just bear hugged me. As hard as she could. It was like she was hugging love right into me.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I pulled myself together, she proceeded to tell me that she sees ME as someone that SHE looks up to. I was completely floored. I never thought that anyone would look up to me because from my perspective, I was barely hanging on - and that is not what people aspire to. My first reaction was to brush her off and tell her that she shouldn’t look up to me because I am so far from having this mama thing figured out that I might as well be on the moon. But I stopped myself. Instead, I told her that I looked up to HER. I don’t know if she felt the same way I did when I heard her say it, but she came up with an amazing idea.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While I think she would agree that we are both not the perfect mamas, we saw in each other the “SuperMom” moments - moments we have a hard time recognizing through our flaws. To remind ourselves of that moment, she printed off a blank superhero cape coloring page. She colored one for me and listed all of the things that she thought I was super at. And I did the same for her. Once complete, we both taped them up in our offices. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This was an eye-opening experience for me. I realized that I had neglected to tell my friend how much of an inspiration she was to me. I just assumed she knew how great she is! And I also learned that despite what I saw as my own shortcomings, other mamas look to me as a source of inspiration, just like I do to them. That really boosted my confidence and helped me take a step back from everything that I thought I was doing wrong and focus on what I am doing right.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The biggest lesson to take away from this is that we should be telling each other how much other mamas mean to us! Especially not the perfect mamas. My friend’s belief in me helped renew my drive to do what is best for my kiddos which then helped my husband and I make changes that needed to be made. With all of this in mind, I want to issue a challenge. Who is the NTPM that you look up to? Once you have identified her (or even THEM), I challenge you to TELL HER THAT. Let her know how much she means to you! I guarantee you will make her day.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And remember...it’s going to be OK.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">~ Angela</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07964254311469507775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-17835730040740414672017-10-20T14:00:00.000-05:002017-10-20T14:05:31.593-05:00Debunking "SuperMom"<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Today’s blog post is coming to you from BOTH Angela and her sister, Sherri.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s laid out in conversation-style, so come join in the chat!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-weight: 700; white-space: pre-wrap;">Angela:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hey everyone!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’d like to introduce my sister, Sherri. She’s going to join in the</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">conversation with me today, as it’s an issue we both feel</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">pretty strongly about. Welcome!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sherri:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thanks! As she said, I’m Angela’s sister.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have a blended family of 5, including a couple of kiddos with some special needs,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and I wanted to weigh in today after a conversation Angela and I had recently.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Angela:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yeah, so today’s post is about the myth of “SuperMom”.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sherri:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Exactly. So where do you think this comes from?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Where do we get this idea in our head of what motherhood</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">should look like - whether it’s realistic or not?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Angela:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think when we have kids we think we will be able to do it all.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Sure, I can go to work but still spend enough time at home!”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Of course I can breastfeed, pump at work, and the baby will</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">take a bottle sometimes and me the rest of the time!”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I can absolutely have it all without any guilt and my baby</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">will act perfectly and be just wonderful!”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sounds great, doesn’t it?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sherri:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sure does! And I think it’s based on the hopes we all have</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">about what kind of momma we want to be. I think it’s especially</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">worse with the first child - you have to no frame of reference</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">for what’s reasonable. Everything SEEMS doable.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Angela:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But we often find out that life is less than perfect.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sure, I can go to work and spend time at home...but in doing so,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I feel guilty for not being home more AND at the same time</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I feel like my work is suffering because I spend all day long</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">missing my kiddos. Of course I can breastfeed and pump at work…</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">until the baby goes on a nursing strike because it’s easier</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">to eat out of a bottle than it is to eat from me. And now I feel guilty</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">AGAIN because if I was home, this wouldn’t have happened.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But if I stay home, I feel like I’m giving up the career I worked so hard for.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sherri:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s a constant mental game - and it doesn’t matter what side you</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">start on. It’s that whole “grass is greener” thing.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But if you really start to think about it, the inconsistencies get more noticeable.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“The perfect mom can go to work, feel accomplished, and get ahead</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">without feeling guilty or missing out on time with her kids.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“The perfect mom stays at home, never misses her career or her friends,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and is perfectly content and happy with her kids all day everyday.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Not only can neither of those statements actually be true in and of themselves...</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">they DEFINITELY can’t both be true at the same time!</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Angela:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yeah, it seems like everything will go perfectly and be just wonderful…</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">until it isn’t. Maybe you’re a SAHM that wishes you were working or a </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">working mom who wishes you could stay home. Perhaps it’s more than</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">that, and you start noticing that something isn’t right. Maybe your kiddo</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">isn’t eating well and can’t gain weight. Maybe your kiddo should be</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">walking or talking and hasn’t gotten there yet. Maybe your kiddo has</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">started biting him/herself or is headbutting the floor. Maybe you just</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">have “Mommy Radar” that says something is wrong.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sherri:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And here comes Round 2 of the mental game! “If I was staying</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">home, I would have noticed sooner or been able to focus more on helping</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">my child” “If I was working, I’d be able to afford to take my child to see</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">that Dr that has all the answers.” Honestly, though, when something</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">is up with your kiddo - it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that YOU</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">are this child’s momma. We just tend to see our failures instead</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">of our successes. No matter when or how, you KNOW when it’s time to take action!</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">However, that Call to Action seems to trigger our sense of Mom Perfection again.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Angela:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So you notice something is wrong and you do all you can</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">to find out what is going on, and all of a sudden...you become</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">a special needs mom. Here is the chance to be SuperMom again, right?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I will do research, find therapies or medications that might help!”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I’ll research them all and be well-versed to discuss pros, cons,</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and side-effects at the next appointment!” “I will make all of the</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">appointments to get all of the necessary referrals for services my</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">kiddo’s needs!” “I will make a list of questions to ask the doctor!” “I can do this!”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sherri:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">However, between meltdowns, sleep deprivation, housework,</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and who-knows-what-else...life gets in the way. Where I think we get into trouble</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">is that these don’t seem like particularly difficult things to do! And individually, they aren’t.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Surely I can carve out 15 minutes to Google my child’s diagnosis…”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“I can throw in a load of laundry every hour or so, and fold it after the kids go to bed.”</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But when we have a list of 30 of these so-called</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">small tasks...there’s no way to get them all done.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then when they DON’T happen, we beat ourselves up over it.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">OR, we do get a chance to do SOME of things we wanted to do…</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and then wish we hadn’t. It all just ends up adding to our list.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Angela:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Exactly. You Google until the research gets depressing and</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">you don’t want to read anymore. And that therapy you thought</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">would be perfect isn’t offered within driving distance of your home.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The medication has some pretty heavy possible side effects</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">that you have to consider. Appointments? Yeah, more like waiting lists galore.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You are looking at months before getting into doctors or other specialists.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And your list of questions? Either it never got made...or you made it and left it on the counter.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sherri:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh, and we mommas are the BEST at self-flagellation. We lay in bed at night</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">replaying everything that went wrong and how we think we should have</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">handled it differently. We worry about ANOTHER day going by without</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">the therapy or medication, about the time that has slipped away.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Agonizing over that trip to the grocery store where you ran into a long lost</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">friend from high school...while your kiddo was mid-meltdown on the floor and</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">you were sporting a ratty t-shirt decorated with caked-on oatmeal and snot.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Angela:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">YES! And then, you start comparing yourself to other moms</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">you THINK are out there. You see one mom who is able to not only</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">complete all the recommended therapy with her kiddo but several</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">times a day, because she is able to stay home. And she makes a video</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">to show everyone else how to do it. You see another mom who has a</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">blog full of eating tips and healthy recipes that she used to help her kiddo</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">with eating issues gain weight. She promises you can do it too! You see</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">even more moms post Pinterest-worthy pictures about outings or crafts</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">or dance recitals or karate tournaments...and you suddenly feel inadequate.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Why can’t I do all of that?”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sherri:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Uh huh! You ladies know what we’re talking about. You start berating yourself</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and putting together a mental image of the SuperMom who easily and happily</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">finds time to do each of these tasks that, after all, aren’t that big of a deal. Am I right???</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You can see her in your head...the mom that’s always put together and accessorized,</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">even if it’s just for a quick run to the store. The mom whose house is always</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">spotless and prepared for a last-minute playdate. The mom who handles</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">bumps in the schedule for the day with grace and ease…and whose kids</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">are never upset about it. The mom who blasts FB every morning with posts like,</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“What a gorgeous day! Squeezed in a short 5 mile run, then</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">made the kids GFDF cinnamon rolls from scratch, packed lunches</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(organic, vegan, and nut-free, of course), and now I’m ready to wake them up!”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Angela:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here’s what I think happens. We see all of these little bits of</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“perfection” from many different moms and we mush them all together.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We mentally create a “SuperMom” that doesn’t exist. We think that if someone</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">can do all of that therapy, I can too. If someone else can get their kiddo</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">to eat well, I can too. If someone else can take their kiddo to the zoo</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">without a meltdown, I can too. And pretty soon we have set all these ridiculously</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">high expectations for ourselves that actually came from many, many</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">different moms who are sharing their brief moments of perfection. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Moment of perfection + Moment of perfection + Moment of perfection = “SuperMom”</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sherri:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">YAASSSS...so much this. Look, I am *for sure* NOT against us moms sharing</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">our successes (however small they might be). However, we all need</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">to take each of those moments with a grain of salt! For all you know, the ONE</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">moment that momma posted about was LITERALLY the only positive thing</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">that happened to her that day. But nobody shares the bad stuff! Well, not ALL</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">of it, anyway. Think - we get onto each other for that. #TRUTHBOMB</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We’ve gotta stop doing this to each other, ladies. Celebrate the successes your</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">fellow moms are experiencing - even if their success was around something</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">you failed at today. Share your frustrations and let your friends know</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">that you need help AND what you need. Heck, don’t just say,</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Call me; we’ll go get coffee!” Get coffee and GO.TO.HER!</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Be SuperMom for someone else.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: right;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Help make sure that momma knows that IT’S ALL GOING TO BE OKAY.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Angela:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here’s the thing to remember, this SuperMom we created…ISN’T REAL.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">#GASP We made her up! And then we are holding ourselves to HER</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">standard of perfection, not the reality of our daily lives. We need to not</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">only stop creating SuperMom but we also need to stop striving for perfection.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nobody is perfect all the time and we should be</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">embracing that. However, that doesn’t mean that you aren’t EXACTLY</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">what your kiddos need. They’ve been entrusted to YOU! No one else...just you.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Once you accept that you are not the perfect mama, life is a little bit easier. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let’s rewrite that equation:</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Moments of NON Perfection + Love + Grace + Laughter + Tears =</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Not The Perfect Mama</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07964254311469507775noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-55163744888911230082017-02-24T22:25:00.002-06:002017-02-24T22:25:50.031-06:00Does My Son Have Autism Or Is He Autistic? I ran into an unintentional conversation online the other day. It got me thinking a lot, particularly about the words we use on a regular basis. While I stayed out of this particular online conversation, as I sensed a troll lurking in the background, it was interesting to watch the comments. Here's how it began.<br />
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Someone posted an article or link of some kind with a comment about terminology and mental illness. The comment was something along the lines of referring to people as having a certain disorder, not being a certain disorder (e.g. she has bi-polar versus she is bi-polar). The argument being made was that people with medical illnesses are referred to as having a certain diagnosis, not being a certain diagnosis (e.g. he has cancer versus he is cancer).<br />
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I made a comment on the post about my youngest son having a diagnosis of autism and that I try very hard to tell people he HAS autism while trying not to say he is autistic. I personally do it this way because from my experience, it is easier for people to see the boy, the person he is, if I say he has autism instead of saying he's autistic. He is SO much more than his diagnosis and for me, I prefer saying it that way.<br />
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Someone made a comment to my post. Here is what was said:<br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">"</span><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Please forgive my ignorance, but what's the difference? If he HAS autism, he IS autistic. They mean the same thing. Using the alternative phrase takes away nothing from him unless you let it. </span><br />
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">That's like claiming, "I predominantly use my left hand," is different from saying, "I am left handed."</span><br />
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I weep over the strength people give words for no reason whatsoever than to find things to complain about." </span><br />
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">OK, for those of you who know me in real life, it took A LOT for me not to answer right away. I took some time to think about what this person wrote (and cool down a bit, let's be honest here). As I was thinking, some other comments came in from others. Many of them were from people with autism and they all disagreed about how to phrase it. Some said they refer to themselves as having autism, others said they refer to themselves as being autistic.</span><br />
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">If the autism community had told me there was a consensus about the terminology, I would have gone with what people prefer. But there was no agreement. So I went back to thinking about the original comment. I was having trouble figuring out how to verbalize my thoughts on this, so I did not say anything, as I did not want to get wrapped up in an argument with someone that does not know me or my son.</span><br />
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Anyway, here are my thoughts (and you are free to disagree with me). First of all, to address the broader issue that was brought up, words DO matter and words DO have power. I think a good majority of people know that. Yes, we can control our reactions to words. If you call me a bad name, it will probably hurt my feelings (not for very long, but it will for a second). Even if the word you use is not mean, the intent behind your words is hurtful and that will probably bother me longer. </span><br />
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Words are our way of communicating, of conveying messages, of sharing memories and emotions, of building relationships. Words are also our way of hurting one another, of expressing negativity, of conveying the intent of our messages, of tearing people apart. Our words are very important. In this regard, I think I can agree to disagree with the person about giving strength to words (and for the record, I was NOT complaining as was suggested). Words can hurt and heal, and I think we all need to be cognizant of that.</span><br />
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Back to the autism versus autistic debate. Having autism, to me, sounds like it is something my son has but the phrase still allows him to be so much more. Being autistic makes it sound, to me, like it is referring to his behavior, that he is autistic all the time. And yes, technically he is autistic all the time because yes, he does have autism so it is with him all the time. But when he is playing Power Rangers with his older brother, or telling me how much he loves our pets (he LOVES animals), or he is singing me a song, I do not see his diagnosis, I see HIM. To me, referring to his diagnosis as having autism allows for HIM to be seen by others. Being autistic sounds to me like he is tied to it and his behavior is tied to it all the time, and I do not feel like that describes him best.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I can honestly say that I would probably have a different opinion on this if he did not function as highly as he does. I also think my opinion would be different if I had autism myself. But neither of those is true, so I can only make decisions based on my experiences. If my son gets older and he tells me he wants to be referred to as being autistic, I will certainly honor his request. It is his choice. When he's old enough, I'll even sit him down and explain to him that he can choose. I want him to understand that he does not have to do what I did, he can choose whatever term he feels reflects him best. And I will tell him that his choice is flexible, that he can change his mind. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">All the while I have to remember that regardless of the term we use, regardless of the term he chooses, it's all OK. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-80554955210400255652016-11-03T16:07:00.001-05:002016-11-03T16:39:40.793-05:00Giving Thanks<p dir="ltr">It's November and that means everyone on social media is now listing things they are thankful for every day. I usually do not partake in this, because I feel like keeping things to myself most of the time. And I often forget to do it, which causes stress for me because then I feel like I have to make up for it and it's just a vicious cycle that makes being thankful feel like a chore instead of feeling actual gratitude. But this year, I have a lot to be thankful for and I thought it would be better to lay things out here instead of on a daily basis.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I am at a point in my life that I never dreamed of. I have a job that was never on my radar while I was in college as an undergraduate. But this job makes me very happy, my coworkers are fantastic, and I have a schedule flexible enough to be home with my family more than most people get to. When my boys were born, I missed them so much while I was at work. I remember asking other moms how they dealt with it and a lot of them said the feeling never goes away, it just gets easier. And I had trouble with that. I understand that the feeling of missing your children while at work/school diminishes as everyone gets used to a schedule. But I never thought it should be easy. For many parents, missing your kids might be an underlying feeling that doesn't get recognized on a regular basis, even though it's still there. But I never wanted to NOT feel that way. Missing them makes me appreciate them more when I am with them. And it helps them appreciate me. When I get home on the days I have to be in my office, I am always greeted by hugs, kisses, and a chorus of "I missed you, mommy!" and "I'm glad you're back!" This is important to me because when we had a more traditional schedule, I didn't get hugs, kisses, and a chorus of "I missed you, mommy!" and "I'm glad you're back!" Because we get more time as a family, we appreciate our time away as well as when we get back together. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I do not say this to knock families that function well in a more traditional sense. And I'm not saying that the way our family functions would work for everyone. What I am saying is that I made a choice to not settle when people told me I had no choice. I fought, alongside my husband, to make choices and options for our family that worked best for us. We did not accept that we had no other options. We did not accept that we did not have to be happy. We did not settle and the fight was so worth it. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I am also thankful that this job has allowed us to homeschool our boys. I can work from home to help be a part of it. And it allows us to seek all of the therapies they need to help them be successful and happy. It was a very difficult decision to make and we have had challenges. It's not easy, but it's what is best for the boys, and I'm thankful that we have the ability to choose what is best. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I am thankful that my husband did not have to rush into a job he doesn't want or like. My job takes care of our bills and while it's not making us wealthy, it allows my hubby to make better, informed choices. He spent the last 3 years working a job he hated so I could pursue my dreams and get the job I have. So the fact that this job is now also benefiting him makes me feel happy as well. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm thankful for our uniqueness as individuals and as a family. I'm thankful for our ability to live life the way we want and not accept anything less. I'm thankful for a husband who works with me in this and considers all options with me, regardless of what others say or do. I'm thankful we are not a traditional family. Because I think we would all be bored and unhappy trying to fit into that definition of a family. </p>
<p dir="ltr">My hope for you is that you can be thankful for your family, however it works for you. That you make choices that are best for you and your family, regardless of what others are doing or saying. If you don't like how things are going in your life, I hope that you have the courage and support to make the changes you want. Because you deserve to be thankful and happy, too. </p>
Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-29315213125194068902016-09-21T21:13:00.001-05:002016-09-21T22:41:20.642-05:00To the Man Who Gave My Son "The Look"<p dir="ltr">I've seen a lot of posts on various pages and blogs where the author writes a letter to a person, explaining some kind of situation or encounter involving their children. Many that I've read have been on sites for parents with children with special needs, medical issues, or something that makes a child "not normal." I never planned on writing one, even though I have special needs children. I didn't plan to write one because I don't particularly care what other people think about me or my children. My husband and I love them, our families love them, and that's all that matters. But I find myself with something to say anyway. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Dear Man Who Gave My Son "The Look",</p>
<p dir="ltr">I noticed you playing with your children at the park. I noticed you because, unlike a lot of parents I see, you were playing tag with your kids (no judgement, I know some parents use the park as a way to take a break). I thought it was great. </p>
<p dir="ltr">We showed up, two very rambunctious boys in tow. The thing that makes us stand out is usually my youngest son. He always wears a hat; not totally out of the ordinary but he always wears a train engineer's hat that used to belong to my grandfather. He is very protective of it, which can sometimes cause problems. He also wears what is comfortable, which means he doesn't always match and sometimes he downright clashes (but he is SO adorable). And on this day, he was also wearing one red glove and carrying a metal lunchbox (which was from Christmas) full of Thomas mini trains. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I saw you notice him. I saw "the look" we often get. You seemed a little confused or unsure about what to think. But, you didn't say anything, and you didn't tell your kids not to play with him. When they wanted him to join their fun, you just stood back. I was surprised, based on your initial reaction. I thought you would try to redirect them or distract them, but you didn't. </p>
<p dir="ltr">And then his lunchbox came open, spilling his mini trains all over the ground. He started getting really upset. Let me pause here. You don't know that he has autism. You don't know that his trains spilling put him on the verge of a meltdown. And as his mother, I could see the thunderclouds coming. I was getting ready to step in, when you did. </p>
<p dir="ltr">You were still playing with your children, very close to where my son spilled his trains. Before I could get to him, you and your children helped him. All three of you walked over and started helping him pick up his trains. I was so happy to see that, but for more than the reasons you think. Yes, I was happy to see you and your children help my son. But in doing that, you also kept him from getting wood chips on his one glove. Which meant I did not have to deal with another potential meltdown when I would have to take his glove off to remove the wood chips because the wood chips would have also caused a potential meltdown. You made his day, and mine. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Thank you, for everything, even though you'll probably never know. </p>
Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-71556957085053700502016-07-30T22:03:00.001-05:002016-07-30T22:39:29.223-05:00Learning About Mama<p dir="ltr">This year has been quite interesting for me. As a family, we are making some major changes (but that's for another time). I've also gone down a road of self-discovery, which has been very informative, albeit unplanned. Regardless of how or why this happened, I'm so glad it did. For me, it's not all about learning new things about myself but also admitting things that I never really thought much about before. Here's what I've learned so far:</p>
<p dir="ltr">Realization #1. My relationship with coffee is complicated. I drink a lot of coffee. Mostly because I have two young(ish) children, both very high energy and both special needs. I'm tired ALL. THE. TIME. I need caffeine to get through the day. But here's where the admissions/confessions start. I don't like coffee that much. Ok, I do like it some. But I don't like that I need it so much. I hardly taste it anymore because I drink so much and I would honestly rather drink something else. I really prefer hot tea. It's so much more flavorful to me. I drink coffee over tea because I need the caffeine and because that's kind of expected of me. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Realization #2. Anyone who knows me well knows that I LOVE mint. Peppermint, spearmint, wintergreen, doesn't matter. I love it all! In fact, I used to eat toothpaste as a kid because I like it so much (and I'm not joking). I have discovered another flavor I enjoy almost as much: cinnamon. This has been really fun for me. It started with cinnamon tea from my sister. Oh my goodness, it was SO yummy! So I started exploring this. Cinnamon ice cream is good too, especially with almonds. But the cinnamon tea, Chai, anything like that is my new obsession. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Realization #3. This is probably going to make me some enemies but here it goes: I don't really like chocolate. It's ok. I eat it from time to time, usually combined with mint (see Realization #2). But if given the choice between chocolate and something else, I will usually pick something else. It's just not really my thing. But again, it's kind of an expectation that women like wine and chocolate - I don't really like either one. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Realization #4. I am freaking awesome! Ok, this isn't really a new realization. What has been new, however, is how often I'm reminded of it. And I'm not sure if I'm being reminded of it more or if I'm actively seeing it more. But does it matter? Nope! I know I'm awesome. An awesome mom, an awesome wife, an awesome woman, an awesome professional, I'm just awesome. And I don't care if nobody but me sees it. Which is a pretty cool feeling. </p>
<p dir="ltr">So what do I do with these realizations? For starters, I need to act on them. I don't like coffee as much as I like tea, so I need to start drinking more tea. And since I've discovered my new love of cinnamon, I should start trying teas with cinnamon flavors. I'm sure those things will lead to even more realizations. </p>
<p dir="ltr">So why am I telling you all of this? Because I want all of YOU to start down a road of self-discovery, too. Mine was unintentional, but yours can be your own doing. Start thinking about things you like or don't like. Have you been honest with yourself and others about these things? If not, you should. If it means making changes in your life, do it! I promise it will be worth it. Maybe it will lead to even more discovery, which would be so fun! Whether you are dropping things you don't like or adding things you do like, wouldn't that make life so much better? </p>
<p dir="ltr">The other reason I'm telling you this is because we all deserve to realize how awesome we are. And I want that for all of you. It will take time and it might not be easy, but you know what? It's OK. </p>
Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-72266640903043738252016-04-26T23:49:00.001-05:002016-04-26T23:49:17.704-05:00Things that Remain UnsaidI know it's been awhile since I've been able to write a new post. Most of it is because I have been working A LOT lately. And that's actually what got me thinking and sparked the idea for this post.<br />
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I work in a field that usually has men outnumbering women. And women with children tend to be even more rare, because many women feel torn between pursuing their career and having a family. This puts me in a unique position, because I am pursuing my career and I have a family. People often make assumptions about me because I have kids, and the assumptions are usually unspoken to me (or at least unspoken to my face). Anyway, this got me thinking about several blog posts other people have written about things not to say to working mothers. But there are also a lot of things that would be helpful to hear, but are often not said for whatever reason. So here is my list of things that remain unsaid, but would be helpful if actually spoken.<br />
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1. "You are doing a great job, at everything."<br />
A working mom may hear things like, "I don't know how you do it" or "How do you manage it all?" This is nice, but I told one my coworkers once that if she was looking for advice on how to do it all, I had nothing. I do what I do because it needs to be done. And if I don't do it, whether it involves my kids or it's work related, nobody else will. A working mom may also hear, "You are a great mom." That usually comes from family members who are trying to encourage her, which is also nice to hear. But it is also nice to hear, from anyone, that she is doing a great job at everything: as a mother, at work, as a whole.<br />
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2. "When can you go out with us/have lunch with us?"<br />
When I first started my job, I was invited out a lot but very rarely could I go out. I work days, my husband works nights and weekends, so I usually had to be home to watch the kids. So I often said no. Eventually the invitations started to wane, and then they stopped completely. I knew it was coming, but it still makes life lonely when people stop inviting you to do things. I often don't feel like part of the group and that can be hurtful. When I would try to do the inviting, I would end up with several accepting, but then usually backing out for various reasons. For example, I was supposed to have breakfast with about 6 six people one morning before work. By the time I left home are started toward the restaurant, everyone cancelled in the matter of about 30 minutes. A working mom would love to not only be invited, but also be asked when it's convenient for her to join. Even if it's just coffee, it can mean the world to her just to be included.<br />
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3. "What can I do to help you?"<br />
Not all, but many, working moms feel overwhelmed by everything they need to do. And sometimes, things can seem so overwhelming, she doesn't even know how to ask for help. But if someone were to make an offer of help, that can open to door for her. The catch to this one: don't ask if you aren't actually willing to help. And be prepared to do what she asks. Nothing would be more harmful for her than to have someone offer her help and then renege the offer. Say it if you mean it.<br />
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4. "Let's do something that includes your kids."<br />
A working mom is already away from her kids more than she wants to be. So if she's invited to something outside of normal work hours, she may be hesitant to accept the invitation even if she can go. It would mean a lot to suggest going somewhere that she can bring her kids with her. Going to a park, the play area at the mall, even the library where her kids can play on the computers or look at books. Even suggest her house, that way her kids have their own toys to play with and she may not have to watch them as close as she would in public. That means she can enjoy her time more.<br />
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5. "You look nice today."<br />
A working mom is lucky to get out of the house in the morning with all of her clothes on, her hair relatively in place, maybe mascara but that's if she's lucky. It means a lot to women in general, but mom's in particular, to get compliments. A working mom especially needs them, because she may not be hearing them in other places. This is not a knock on spouses/partners; family life is hard on everyone. A working mom's partner is just as tired and stressed as she is. Hearing a compliment from someone at work could be just what she needs to brighten her day.<br />
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This is not an exhaustive list, but these are things that I know I would like to hear. I hope you are on the receiving end of one of these unspoken things. Or maybe, you can do it for someone else. Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-25277859724749423622015-10-15T12:27:00.000-05:002015-10-15T12:27:01.612-05:00Doing Something RightIf you are like me, you feel like you are failing at mothering all the time. I always feel like I'm not doing enough, or being enough, or creating enough hand-print art for family members. I feel like I'm not teaching enough or being present enough. But the other day, I got a wonderful reminder: no matter how "not enough" I feel, my kids are getting enough of me and from me.<br />
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A few months ago, my oldest son was having a rough day. He was just being really defiant and struggling with his behavior. I was trying to be patient, but feeling like I wasn't succeeding very well. At one point he looked at me and said, "You're weird!" Now that doesn't sound like much, but from his tone and body language I knew he was trying to hurt my feelings. So I sat down him and explained to him two things. First, trying to hurt someone else's feelings when you are upset is not a good way to handle being upset. We came up with a few ways for him to tell me when he's upset or things he can do when he's upset.<br />
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The second thing I explained was that being "weird" is not a bad thing. It just means you are different, you are unique. I wanted him to know that his insult wasn't really an insult to me, partly because if anyone ever calls him weird, I want him to be OK with that. In our house, weird is an OK thing to be. But I also wanted him to know that even if someone says something to him and means it as an insult, he doesn't have to take it that way (whether it's being weird or anything else).<br />
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I didn't think of this day much until earlier this week. I picked up my son from school and he was telling me all about his day (we call it downloading because he just let's the information fly!). He noticed that one of his classmates was behind us. His classmate was walking with his older brother. The brother was saying the he was older and in a higher grade so he was better. He was basically cutting down his brother for being younger. Just brothers bickering. My son tried to introduce me to his classmate, but his classmate was too busy with his brother. As my son turned back to talk to me, his classmate pointed at me and said, "She looks weird!"<br />
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I did not think about it at all. He was a kid trying to impress his older brother, who was trying to convince everyone within earshot that he was the better brother. That's it. I wasn't mad or upset, I just ignored it because I knew he was trying to get a rise out of either me or his brother. But he did manage to get a rise out of my son. He turned to his classmate and said, very loudly, "She's NOT weird, she's just different!"<br />
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HOLY. COW. A lesson I taught him got through. And he just defended me to his peer. I was so proud of him in that moment. He then proceeded to carry on and finish telling me about his day, as if nothing big had just happened. His reaction suggested to me that what he did was just a normal thing for him. I wondered if he had done this before; he did is so easily. When his classmate tried to talk to him again, my son just ignored him as we walked back to the car.<br />
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I can only hope that this lesson will stick with him. But I felt like I had FINALLY done something right. But you know what? I've been doing things right. For him to pick up that lesson, it wasn't just the talk we had one day a few months ago. He's been picking up on these things from the beginning. And that's a pretty awesome feeling.Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-88159976329089467302015-08-20T22:16:00.002-05:002015-08-20T22:16:36.480-05:00Back to School!It's that time of year! Some of you mama's have kiddos who have already started school, some of you are like me and are still anticipating the first day of school. I am looking forward to it and I wanted to share with you why it is so exciting for me (and I promise it's not why you think!).<div>
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Before I start talking about this year, I need to give a little bit of history. I am a self-proclaimed nerd and people who know me know that I LOVED school. I always have, which is probably why I am still in school. Anyway, for me it wasn't (and never has been) about getting new school supplies, new clothes, and moving to a new classroom. That was part of it, but it was also about the promise of everything I had to learn. I was always so excited about what knowledge was to be had that year, what I was going to know at the end of the year that I didn't know at the beginning. I didn't always know how to articulate that, but I understand it now.<br /><div>
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My oldest son is starting kindergarten this year. So it's not really back to school for us, it's starting school. I know that for a lot of mama's the first day of kindergarten is bittersweet. It's a reminder that our children are growing up, that they won't need us forever. Maybe I'm a little bit different, but I am not sad. I am SO excited for what this means for him. He has so much to learn and he is so excited about learning. He is so curious and soaks up information like a sponge. He is going to be in a place with other kiddos who are the same way and will have a teacher who will be able to help him learn. </div>
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I do have concerns about him making friends, I have concerns about the education he will get. I have concerns about bullying, whether he is the bully or the bullied. I am concerned that I have not prepared him enough. But if I feed into those concerns, it will eat me alive. It may even impact him and I don't want that to happen. If problems occur, and no doubt they will, we will have to address them one at a time. </div>
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So for all of you mama's who are sending kiddos off to school, for the first time or the last, it's OK. As long as they know that you love them, they will be just fine.</div>
Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-53307630419300152762015-06-14T22:55:00.001-05:002015-06-14T22:55:48.213-05:00This Time It's Not OKTonight was a tie for the hardest night of my life. Both nights, about 6 months apart, no one showed up for my son's birthday parties. Well, I shouldn't say no one. We have one family that came to our rescue both times so that both boys had someone here to sing to them and eat cake. But, I digress. After some thinking, and complaining, I think I know what happened.<br />
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I think most of us are familiar with the so-called Mommy Wars. Mom's fighting over all kinds of things, some that don't even matter. Breast versus bottle, co-sleep versus not, when to start solids, it starts so young! I have been the target of it. I have been called lazy for not being able to breast feed either of my boys to a year. I have been told that my youngest son, who has sensory issues, is just a picky eater and I just wanted to diagnose him with something so that I could feel better about my rotten parenting skills. I have been told that boys will be boys, when I clearly knew something was going on with my youngest son.<br />
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But I realized tonight that the Mommy Wars have spilled over to my kids. Allow me to explain. We live in a rural area, and because of financial issues, we have hosted the boys' parties at our house. Which means that people who come have to drive, not a long way, but a bit. I print off invitations that I get for free on the internet. For both boys, I sent 20 invitations to their daycare. For my oldest son, we had 2 RSVP's who never showed up. For my youngest son, we didn't have any RSVP's at all. So over the last week, we started calling people we work with, begging people to come. We had people who said they were going to come and didn't show.<br />
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Any parent who gets our invite can see that it is not fancy, it is not custom, it is not personalized. Any parent who gets our invite can see that we are having the party at home and might assume that we cannot afford to have it somewhere else. Which means that we aren't paying for a venue, or color-coordinated gift bags, or a specialty bake shop cake made with Madagascar vanilla and chocolate from the Amazon rain forest or something. Which could mean moms don't want to come. We are not competitive in the birthday party part of the Mommy Wars.<br />
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I'm sure you know of a mom like that. The one that goes way overboard with the theme. Everything matches, everything is custom, everything is expensive. The mom that wants to have the best party on the block or at the kids school. She is trying to prove her worth as a mom through her kids' party. She may have things that are totally unrealistic, hoping that nobody can top what she is doing. She makes homemade things for the party that she found on Pinterest. Or maybe she is the one posting on her blog, which ends up on Pinterest, and then I get it for free.<br />
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Look, I get it. Parents want their kids to have fun on their birthday, everyone wants to. But here's the deal. I want my kids to have fun and for them, they don't need fancy stuff. They want kids to play with, someone to sing to them, and people to eat cake with. They don't even really care about presents. And I'm not going to go crazy because they don't want crazy.<br />
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Overall, what I'm saying is that I think people didn't come to our party because they didn't think it was going to be fun. I think people didn't come because it was out of their way, it was not convenient for them. And my kids paid the price for that. As an adult, I think we have all had at least one crappy birthday. It's not a good feeling, is it? How do you think I felt when I had explain to my 5 year old that the one family that came was his whole party, but he thought that they had just come over for dinner? He cried and asked me when we were going to have his party and he just couldn't understand it. It broke my heart and tonight, when I realized everyone had backed out (except that one family, again) my heart broke again.<br />
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These Mommy Wars are ridiculous. How is it a good idea to tear each other apart? But when it trickles down to our children I think we all agree that we need it to stop. This is bad on so many levels. What are we teaching our children by doing this? We are teaching them that material things matter more than others feelings. And then we wonder why this generation has no manners, no empathy, no heart. WE AREN'T TEACHING IT TO THEM BY FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER.<br />
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Normally I end a post by saying it's OK. But this is not OK. The Mommy Wars are not OK. I refuse to take part and I am not going to tear another NTPM down because she is making choices for her children that she feels are best. Every mother knows her child(ren) best and who am I to judge her for doing what she thinks she should? She has way more knowledge and information to make that decision than I have to judge her for doing so. Anybody else with me?Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-18006998160658443482015-03-31T21:52:00.003-05:002015-03-31T21:52:48.026-05:00Losing a Family MemberWe lost a member of our family today. It was not a grandmother, or a cousin, or anything like that. She was our first dog, Daisy. I know that not everyone understands having pets and not everyone agrees with having them. But in our family, some of the members are furry and walk on all fours.<br />
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My husband and I got Daisy before we got married. In April of 2004, I saw her on a rescue site and fell in love. While we both grew up around dogs, hubby was hesitant because we were both in college at the time. He was worried about making sure we would have enough time to take care of a pet. Eventually I got him to agree to just "meet" her. We set up a meeting and found out that two other families were interested in adopting her, besides us. I saw her get out of the rescuers' car and I knew she was going home with us. As we were told her story (a farmer had found her wandering his fields and was going to shoot her until his wife talked him into catching her and taking her to the pound; she was set to be put down because she had been there too long when the rescue organization stepped in before that could happen), Daisy laid her head in my lap. The rest is history.<br />
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Daisy was a source of never ending love. I still maintain that she was so grateful to be rescued that she did everything she could to please us. A few years later, we added to our family. Bear, a Bernese Mountain Dog (BMD or Berner), was adopted in 2008. Daisy is the reason we adopted Bear. We knew Daisy was a BMD/border collie mix. After realizing what a sweet disposition she had, we did research into the BMD breed and found out that Berner's are very sweet. loving, and good with children. We were sold, all thanks to Daisy.<br />
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In 2009, we added to our family again. This time, we had a baby boy. She took to him immediately and watched over him all the time. She never growled, grumbled, or showed her teeth to him, even when he would accidentally pull her tail when learning to walk or fall on her when he would trip. Daisy loved him, unconditionally. She was the exact same way when we added to our family again, another son, in 2011.<br />
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I don't want to focus on the end, but suffice it to say she went downhill quickly and we knew that we had to do something. It was time. She had a seizure and then started what my dad calls the endless circle (pacing and walking in circles).<br />
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Bear watched over her until the end. My husband and I knew we had to tell the boys what was going on as the night progressed and things started getting worse. My youngest, who is 3, was fine. I'm not sure he totally understood what was happening, but we gave him the chance to say goodbye and give her one last hug.<br />
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My oldest, on the other hand, did not take it well. I knew he wasn't going to. But I also knew we had to tell him the truth, and not make it sound like she was being shipped off to a farm somewhere. First, if it sounded like that he would want to try to see her again. And second, we wanted him to understand that she was not going to be suffering anymore.<br />
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He lost it. He tried to negotiate. He tried to suggest ways to help her, to fix whatever was wrong with her. He wanted to feed her, thinking it was her stomach. We had to explain that something was wrong with her head, and the vet couldn't fix it. <br />
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I know people who don't get having pets would wonder why we would put ourselves through this, put our children through something like this. "Your son is hurting! He is so young to feel pain like that!" Yes, he is hurting and no, he's not too young. Know why? Because he got to feel unconditionally loved by someone who NEVER hurt him. Daisy loved him with all of her being; she loved all of us that way. She never talked back. never questioned, never made him feel unwanted. When he wanted to give her hugs or pet her, she was there. When he talked about our family, she (along with the other pets we have) was always listed as a member, not as just a pet. He saw her as a part of this family. And she was.<br />
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He got to learn how to take care of someone other than himself. He got to know the high of getting a kiss or the warmth of her laying next to him. He got to feel all of that love. But with the highs, also come the lows. To appreciate the love he felt, he is now hurting because Daisy's love is no longer right here with him. He will have to learn to remember her kisses and her warmth, but without having her at all, he wouldn't have anything to remember. He will always have her love in his heart.<br />
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It tears me apart to hear him cry himself to sleep tonight, clinging to her picture and calling out for her. But in his pain, I also hear his love for her. Which is an amazing thing. He is 5, and loved someone so deeply that he is calling out to her. Can you imagine the kind of love he has for her? Pet people know this, and if you've never had a pet that you loved this way, you are missing out. Every pet adoption comes with the promise of this kind of love, but also with the knowledge that it won't last forever. So we make the most of the time that we have with our pets, because we love them and they love us back. But they love us in a way that we can never fully understand or appreciate. We get tied up in ourselves; pets don't do that. They love regardless.<br />
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When the time comes, we will probably move on and adopt again. As George Carlin once noted, "Life is a series of dogs." So ours will be. We will all learn to love again, we will all be hurt again. But we wouldn't have it any other way. And you know what? That's OK.<br />
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Rest in peace, my dear Daisy. We all miss you more than you will ever know.<br />
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<br />Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-60857319994398511242015-01-21T20:32:00.002-06:002015-01-21T20:32:34.210-06:00The Moment I Became a Special Needs MomI don't think any mom anticipates having a special needs child, even when the risks are high. We all want to beat the odds. But realistically, there are children out there with special needs so chances are either you have one (or more than one) or know someone who does. That is part of the reason why I am writing this post.<div>
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It's interesting to think about the fact that I became a special needs mom the second my youngest son was born; I just didn't know it yet. He had some health issues after birth and spent 10 days in the NICU. His first year of life was rough for everyone, as he rarely slept more than a few hours at a stretch and we could not figure out why. He was seen by numerous specialists who ruled out some diagnoses and gave him others, none of which my husband and I agreed with. We both knew something was going on, we just didn't know what it was.</div>
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As time passed, he met all of his milestones on time except one. He didn't really have much to say. At first, we thought it was because he has an older brother who likes to speak for him. He had 2 sets of ear tubes and his adenoids removed, which we thought would help his speech. Fluid in the ears would make everything sound funny and could delay speech. But as he got older and was still not talking very much, we had him evaluated. His speech was delayed, along with a few other skills, but his speech was our biggest concern. He started speech therapy at 2 1/2 years old. But I did not see myself as a special needs mom.</div>
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Later on, he aged out of his first speech program and we had him evaluated for another. He qualified for that and also began receiving private speech therapy at home. We noticed that he did not eat much and would often refuse lunch at daycare and dinner at home. He would eat certain foods, but they were limited. Feeling like he was just going through a phase, we still served him what everyone was having for dinner whether he ate it or not. But he wasn't gaining weight. From January 2014 to December 2014, he didn't gain any weight at all. Our pediatrician tested him for food allergies, of which he had none. The next step was evaluation for physical therapy and occupational therapy to rule out (or include) any physical or sensory issues. But I did not see myself as a special needs mom.</div>
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He ended up qualifying for both services. Now we were up to 4 types of therapy: private speech, speech through the public school district, physical therapy (PT), and occupational therapy (OT). This totaled 9 appointments a week. I was so tired from making sure he got to all appointments, frantically trying to schedule all of his appointments every week so that there was no overlap, that I didn't even have time to see myself as a special needs mom.</div>
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After about a month of OT, we realized the only therapy he was really getting was fine/gross motor skills, which include things like putting beads on a thread, picking up small items, etc. We did not think this was what he needed. We really felt like he had some sensory issues and after I talked to my aunt, who is an OT in another state, everyone agreed we needed a second opinion. So I started researching OT clinics that have equipment in the facility to do sensory OT therapy. The OT he was getting was in our home, so all of that equipment was really not available to him. I found a place and we were able to get him in for another OT evaluation. But I still did not see myself as a special needs mom.</div>
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After his second evaluation, it was clear from talking to the new OT that he has some sensory issues. I asked her if we were justified in thinking that he needed the sensory therapy (versus the motor skills) and she replied, "Yes." That, my friends, is the moment I became a special needs mom. </div>
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It was that moment because I finally had confirmation of what was going on with my son. I had known for some time that there was something a little off for him. I could tell that his "picky" eating was different from the phase my older son went through. I could tell that his meltdowns were different than his older brother's. And now, I had someone who could tell me why. I also realized in that moment, that this was something we were going to deal with for the rest of his life. Eventually his speech with catch up and he will probably no longer need speech therapy. He has already been discharged from PT, and even though he has flat feet, it's not bad enough to keep him from being active. So there is really nothing else for us to do in that area.</div>
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But this, the sensory issues, will be with him forever. He will always have aversions to some things. With therapy he should be able to manage them, but he's going to sense things in a way that is different from me. I cannot ever understand that, but as a special needs mom, I have to help him understand it for himself. It is now my job to help be the best he can be, while trying to enter his world, which is one I can never fully know.</div>
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I want all of you NTPM's out there to know a couple of things that I have learned from this experience so far. First, if you feel like something is going on with one of your kiddos, whether it's behavioral, medical, or something else, DO NOT GIVE UP. I can't tell you how many doctor's and specialists we've seen who probably thought I was nuts because I kept insisting something was wrong and I knew it wasn't a dairy allergy or acid reflux. Keep pushing until you find someone who will listen and believe you. You will find them, it just might take some time. Because once you do, everything changes. As soon as the OT told us her findings, it explained everything that had been going on in my son's life. It all made sense. And if you keep pushing, you will find that, too.</div>
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Second, if you have a special needs child, DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. I know some of the mom's I met in the NICU blamed themselves for their child being there. Some of you may feel that way. You get a case of the woulda, coulda, shoulda's. Don't. It is NOT your fault. Your child was given to you because you are the only one who can fight for them, take care of them, and be their advocate. I never blamed myself and I really can't explain why, but I think it's because I knew I did everything I could to take care of him before he was born and I was prepared to do whatever if took after he born. It didn't matter what happened, he's my son.</div>
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Lastly, if you do not have a special needs child but know someone who does, HELP HER. Be there to listen if she's frustrated and needs to vent because no one else is listening. Ask her if there is anything you can do, even if it's just go for a cup of coffee or cook dinner for her family. Offer to drive to appointments one day or take her to get her nails done. Never judge her for her children or their behavior. Let her know you are there for her, you love her and her kids. Similarly, if you have a special needs kid and you know someone else who has a special needs kid, support each other, too. Don't be afraid to ask for help and don't be afraid to take it when it's offered.</div>
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Every mom thinks she has the perfect child and every mom is right. And you know what? It's OK.</div>
Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-8680711292856578962014-12-25T21:31:00.001-06:002014-12-25T21:31:15.642-06:00A Homemade ChristmasI love Christmastime. Especially the lights; the warm glow makes everything seem so surreal and beautiful. But the last few years, it has been difficult for me to find my Christmas spirit. Mostly because I haven't been able to do a lot of the things that mean Christmas to me: making cookies, decorating the house, wrapping presents, visiting family, sending out cards. Our family has struggled financially the last few years and part of it was our choosing (i.e. moving to Texas for me to pursue a PhD meant giving up a semi-steady income for an uncertain future). It's a hard pill to swallow when the holidays are hard because of our decisions.<div>
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But this year was different. I don't know when I got the idea to make homemade gifts this year, but it came to me at some point. I thought it would save money and still allow my children and husband to have presents to open. So I turned to Pinterest and started saving anything I thought I could turn into a present: egg cartons, aluminum cans, coffee creamer bottles, etc. I asked my crafty family members and friends if they had fabric scraps I could have. In the end, I did have to buy a few things, but I spent about $30 in total.</div>
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Here's what I ended up with (links included for ideas or inspiration that I got from Pinterest):</div>
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Coffee creamer bottle snowmen: I filled these with cotton balls. I figured the boys could either empty them out and fill them back up, or we could glue the cotton balls to paper and make snowmen. For my youngest, this was the toy that won the day, over EVERYTHING else.<br />
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Rocket packs: 4 soda bottles, wrapped in duct tape. The felt scraps for the flames were given to me (thanks, Mom!). I had the black ribbon for the straps and the red and yellow ribbon I added so the boys would know which was which. For the rocket boosters (in black), I used a plastic cup that I cut down and hot glued black felt on.<br />
Link: http://www.doodlecraftblog.com/2012/04/super-sci-fi-rocket-fueled-jet-pack.html<br />
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Egg carton bead sorters: OK, this was not well thought out. Within a few minutes, the beads were everywhere. BUT, this will give us beads to use on crafts in the future, so I think it can be a win-win.<br />
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Entire back heat pack: This was an old t-shirt of my husband's that I used to make a heat pack he can use that covers his entire back. It's filled with rice (10 pounds to be exact, which in retrospect may have been a bit much....).<br />
Link: http://www.purposefulwandering.com/2012/01/up-cycling-hubbys-old-t-shirt.html<br />
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Angry Bird bowling: My boys got stuffed Angry Birds in their stockings last year. When I saw this, I knew I had to do it. It cost me a couple of dollars in paint and I used a black Sharpie that I already had instead of buying black paint. 6 cans for each of my boys.</div>
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Link: http://homemadebeautiesbyheidi.blogspot.com/2011/10/day-2-of-bird-day-week-angry-birds-can.html#!/2011/10/day-2-of-bird-day-week-angry-birds-can.html</div>
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Now, we did have some other gifts for the boys. We tend to shop throughout the year when we find things on sale. For example, we got remote control cars that were normally $50 each for $10 each WITHOUT going out on Black Friday. We refuse to shop on Thanksgiving or Black Friday, but that's a post for another time.</div>
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Anyway, I did not get to make everything I wanted to due to time. But I never felt stressed about not getting to it all. I found that I thoroughly enjoyed the process of planning and making the gifts I did get to. And you know what else? I FOUND MY MISSING CHRISTMAS SPIRIT. I found myself getting lost in the process, not thinking about anything but the project I was working on. And now I have so many ideas, I have a plan for gifts for Easter, birthdays. and next Christmas. </div>
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And this, made it all worth it:</div>
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Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-90212648301781733502014-11-21T20:19:00.003-06:002014-11-21T20:19:43.294-06:00Dear Mom I Wanted to Be,Dear Mom I Wanted to Be,<br />
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Wow, we are very different people, aren't we? When I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I didn't know that I was suddenly torn into two separate people: the Mom That I Am and the Mom I Wanted to Be. There was a lot I didn't know that pushed us very far away from each other.<br />
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I didn't know that my birth plan was going to go straight out the window. I didn't know that I was going to struggle to breastfeed for every minute I did. I didn't know how guilty I was going to feel when I made the choice to stop. I didn't know that I was going to have two boys only 18 months apart. I didn't know that the second pregnancy was going to be more scary than the first. I didn't know my second son was going to spend time in the NICU. I didn't know about all of the challenges that were about to enter my life.<br />
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But I also didn't know how much love I could carry. I didn't know that my family was going to get so strong through all of those challenges. I didn't know that having two boys only 18 months apart would make them so close. I didn't know how strong I was until I had to start fighting.<br />
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You see, Mom I Wanted to Be, you are purely a figment of my imagination. I wanted to be you: the perfect mom. But that wasn't even close to possible, was it? I wanted to be the mom who was always well put together, who always had her kids in clothes that matched, who always had fun activities planned, who always kept her cool no matter what her kids did, and who was always happy about being a mom. I'm none of those things. (But let's be honest, I wasn't all that put together BEFORE I had kids, so hoping I could magically transform into June Cleaver after they were born was a bit of a stretch.) I had so many grand plans and hopes, all of them pinned on you.<br />
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When I failed to be you, and I saw myself drifting further and further away from you, I started to get discouraged. I tried so hard to be you that I forgot that I needed to be me: Mom That I Am. I don't really want to be you anymore, even though I see you in other mama's. When I see someone post on Facebook about all of the fun activities they do every day, I reach for you. When I hear someone talk about how well behaved their children are, I look for you. When I see pictures of a family where everyone is smiling and perfectly matched, I wish I was you. But I still don't want to be you.<br />
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If I were you, my boys wouldn't know how to choose their own clothes because I would do it for them. If I were you, my boys wouldn't know that I have feelings just like they do because I would be happy all the time. If I were you, my boys wouldn't know how to apologize because they would never do anything wrong (and I might add, they would never hear it from me). If I were you, every minute of their little lives would be planned and my boys wouldn't know what it was like to just hop in the car and go for a random day out. If I were you, I would probably not be as happy as I am.<br />
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Sure it's hard. It is for every mama. But by keeping you in my mind, Mom I Wanted to Be, I am never going to be able to truly be the Mom That I Am. So, I guess this is goodbye. I don't really need you anymore. I'm sure you'll try to stop by from time to time, but as of right now, you are no longer welcome. Don't take it personally, Mom I Wanted to Be. You served your purpose and it's time for me to move on. <br />
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Thanks for everything,<br />
Mom That I AmAngela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-24513872419276402722014-11-08T14:31:00.001-06:002014-11-08T14:31:56.198-06:00The Importance of MannersLast night my husband and I actually got to go on a date and spend some time with adult friends. It was SO nice. We were talking to a couple who recently got married in September and the wife mentioned having spent all day writing thank you notes. The more we talked, the more we all agreed that manners seem like they are becoming a thing of the past. And I mentioned that by the time our boys were older, they would probably be the only ones who would write thank you's and say please and thank you. My friend said, "Well, at least you know they'll have good manners."<br />
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Yes. They will. But not just because that's how I was raised. It's also an important thing for them to learn. In my opinion, it helps teach empathy. Why should you say sorry when you hurt someone? Because you feel bad and you want them to know. You don't like being hurt, so you shouldn't hurt others. Why should you say please when asking for something? Because you want to let people know what you need some help without demanding what you want. Why should you say thank you? To let someone know you appreciate what they did for you. This all seems like common sense, but I know lots of kids don't do this. <br />
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Now before you think I'm blaming parents, I'm not. Sometimes parents can do it all right but it doesn't seem to matter because of the culture we live in. Think about TV shows, movies, magazines, commercials, the list goes on. How often do you see people using manners? Occasionally, I would say, but not nearly enough. Go watch a classic movie or TV show and I bet you would see a lot more. My point is that our society, our culture, is showing kids that manners are not important. It's teaching boys that they don't need to hold open the door for their date and it's teaching girls not to expect it. Well why the heck not? My husband does all of that for me. He opens doors and let's me go in first. He won't eat until everyone at the table it served. Once, in a restaurant, he took our oldest son (who was still a baby at that point) so that I could eat with both hands. He actually had another customer come up to him, an elderly gentleman, who complimented him for doing that. <br />
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I am proud of the fact that my boys know to say please, thank you, and sorry. I write thank you notes for them because they can't write yet, but they tell me what to say and they sign it. Eventually they will be able to do it on their own. They say excuse me when they bump into someone. But it's not just because we've taught them, it's because we've SHOWN them. Kids see what you do, more than we want to admit. If you want your kiddos to be more polite, show them how. <br />
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Our kids should know how to use manners and expect to be treated respectfully by others. I worry for future generations because manners are important. I don't think any of us want to live in a world full of rude, inconsiderate people but to a certain extent, we already do. Let's change that, shall we?Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-47571769804384270352014-10-08T20:57:00.001-05:002014-10-08T20:57:46.993-05:00Humble Pie and FailureEver have those days where you feel like a complete failure at life? Those days when you feel so completely crushed by the weight of everything that is going on that you see no way out? That it's hard to see the promise of the future because you cannot get past your current situation? Yeah, those. I've been having a lot of those lately.<br />
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It's very difficult when you feel pressure from every aspect of your life. Financial, emotional, challenges with parenthood, challenges at work/school, taking care of yourself, taking care of everyone else, keeping up with chores, keeping every one fed (this can be financial and emotional), the list goes on and on. That is a very heavy burden that all mama's bear at some point in life. Some of us handle it better than others. I like to think I do pretty well, but tonight I reached my limit.<br />
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While I am not ready to go into details about all of it yet (I will at some point, once I get past it), suffice it to say that I felt the pressure and it got the better of me. And while I was trying to hold it together, I went to lay down with my youngest son because he wasn't sleeping. As I laid there, my brain would not shut off and I could not hold my tears back any longer. I was trying to hold it in and be quiet because I didn't want my son to know I was upset. But you know what? He noticed anyway. He looked at me and started rubbing my arm, like I do to him when he's upset. <br />
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It was humbling to see my 3 year old being able to empathize with me, understand my feelings, and be able to respond to them. It made me feel like I was doing something right. While some mama's might not be comfortable being comforted by their child, I let him. Not only did it make me feel better, it made me realize that my biggest job, the only thing that I should be worried about, is being a mama. <br />
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I don't have any advice on how to deal with life's pressures and stresses. All I can suggest is cry when you need to, love when you need to, and don't be afraid to let your kids see that. They feel it too, and need to see how you handle it. It's OK to cry, it's OK to feel like a failure; I think everyone does. And if you haven't reached that moment yet, you will. It's OK to crumble once in awhile. I think as mama's, we think we have to be perfect and should feel bad when we can't measure up. But who are we measuring ourselves against? Other mama's who are doing the same thing. So here's a suggestion. Why don't we all just stop comparing ourselves to others? Everyone has someone they think is a better mama, but that mama has someone she feels inferior to as well. If everyone feels inferior, no one is going to be at their best. Just love your kids and love yourself. <br />
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And you know what? It's going to be OK, even if you can't see it right now.Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-89463930519091195442014-08-18T13:17:00.000-05:002014-08-18T13:17:06.130-05:00Back to School!Many of you mommy's may have kiddos headed back to school or going for the first time. My boys are not old enough yet, but I know I will probably be a mess when the day comes. Seeing all of the pictures and posts on my Facebook feed about kiddos getting ready for their first day of school, and I can't help but remember how I felt when it was time to hit the books again.<br />
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I LOVED going to school. And it all started with buying new school supplies. I thoroughly enjoyed picking out new folders and notebooks, a backpack and a lunchbox. Everything fresh, everything new, everything so full of possibilities. This didn't stop once I graduated high school. I still loved preparing for classes when I started and the bonus was that I got to do it twice a year instead of once. I really think this is part of why I continued in my education and am now working toward my PhD. And I am really looking forward to buying supplies for my oldest son when he starts kindergarten next year. Yes, I'm a dork, I know.<br />
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But I also wanted to take this opportunity to remind parents to keep communicating with your kiddos once your schedule fills up. It can be easier to talk and spend time together in the summer when everything is relaxed. And it can be easy to forget to ask your children, "How was your day?" and actually listen to the response once school (and extracurricular activities) begin.<br />
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This is important not just to keep a strong bond with your kids. Bullying is an issue that parents need to be aware of. I know that there are some people who do not think bullying is a problem. They say things like, "I was bullied and I turned out just fine," or "Kids are just too sensitive these days." While these things may be true, bullying today has taken forms that a lot of people probably never imagined. Kids have access to computers, the internet, and smart phones, all of which were not around when I was little. And it's a lot easier to say mean things when you're hiding behind a computer and an ambiguous screen name. <br />
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I have included some links below for people who are curious or if you suspect your child might be bullied or might be a bully. Both sides of the coin are an issue and should be dealt with. I am not going to tell you how to deal with it because everyone knows their own child best and should deal with it the way you see fit. Just make sure if your kiddo starts trying not to go to school (says they are sick all the time, just don't want to go, get very upset when they are left at school) and other issues have been ruled out, it may benefit you to ask them if they are being bullied. I learned the hard way to listen to my boys; I hope you don't have to.<br />
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<a href="http://www.pacer.org/bullying/">http://www.pacer.org/bullying/</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.stopbullying.gov/prevention/at-school/">http://www.stopbullying.gov/prevention/at-school/</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.violencepreventionworks.org/public/bullying.page">http://www.violencepreventionworks.org/public/bullying.page</a>Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-29541044638564672042014-06-03T12:39:00.001-05:002014-06-03T12:39:51.762-05:00Everything in ModerationUsually a post about moderation involves food or drink of some kind, doesn't it? Well, this one's not. I learned a valuable lesson about technology in moderation last week and it's probably not what you think.<div>
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My husband and I really do try to keep technology to a minimum, but we don't always succeed. The one thing we have been pretty consistent about is computer/video games. We do not have a gaming system and the computer is off unless it's an emergency (see my previous post). However, last weekend my oldest son, who is 4, asked me if he could play on the computer. Usually I say no and direct him to something else, but he had been very good so I said yes. I went to pbskids.org because they have really good games. Once he picked a game, I thought I was going to have to sit with him and show him how to use the mouse, keyboard, etc. To my surprise, he pretty much took over. I only had to help him a few times because he is still trying to coordinate his fingers and sometimes he would right click by accident.</div>
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Here's where my realization came. As I watched, it became clear to me that this is something I need to let him do more. Yes, I said it, MORE. Why? Because it is actually going to be more detrimental to him (and later on, my younger son) if they don't know how to use a computer. Think about it. Computers are everywhere: schools, banks, even restaurants and gas stations. They NEED to know how it works. Being technologically literature is a must in our society. But we still need to be careful because too much will be just as detrimental as none. </div>
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So how do we strike this balance as parents? I don't know. If I had the answer, I would retire to the Bahamas right now. The only thing I can do is share with you what we have decided is best as a family.</div>
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<ol>
<li>The computer is a privilege, not a right. The boys' behavior determines whether or not they get to play. </li>
<li>Mom and Dad decide what games and websites are appropriate. PERIOD.</li>
<li>We do not play every night. Once or twice a week is all they get. Once they are old enough for homework, of course this will need to be revised.</li>
<li>They will NOT get a computer, TV, or anything else like that in their bedrooms unless they have a job and buy it themselves. If they are responsible enough to save and work for it, they can have it, but #1 and #2 still apply. Same applies to having a cell phone.</li>
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Some of you may have whiz kids who enjoy computers and such and you let them have more time. That's OK. Some of you may have kids that have no interest and you have to force them on the computer to do the research for a homework assignment. That's OK, too. Whatever you decide is best is OK, just make sure everyone in the family knows the rules and expectations. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-40442628385374358112014-05-06T11:42:00.000-05:002014-05-06T11:42:10.352-05:00In the MomentSo I know I have been absent lately. But between school, work, and my family there is little time left at the end of the day. Every once in a while I think about this blog and worry about coming up with a new post. And then someone calls for me and it's forgotten once again. But you know what? It's OK. That has been my motto on this blog since the first post. And now I have something to back up the fact that it's not important for me to post all the time.<br />
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You may have seen the video floating around Facebook entitled "Look Up." If you haven't, the link is at the end of this post. I strongly encourage you to check it out. It really hit home for me and it probably will for you, too. The basic premise of the video is that people are spending too much time with technology and not enough time with other people. Social interaction is becoming a thing of the past. While the video has its critics, I think it is a wonderful reminder that we all need to be present, in the moment for our children and our families.<br />
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I have been guilty of spending some time scrolling through Facebook in the bathroom because I needed a few minutes away. But I don't think is OK is when you are using it as a substitute for interacting with your family. We've all seen the parents who take their kids to the mall and then sit on their phones while their kids run around terrorizing others in the play area. And then we promptly take out our phones to share our experience on Facebook or Twitter or whatever. When did it become OK to do that? It's simply because we can. It's there and it seems so present.<br />
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Electronics are a wonderful tool. But that's all they are: a tool. They should not be a replacement. I think it's perfectly fine to send your loved ones texts throughout the day to remind them that you are thinking about them. I think it's perfectly fine to put pictures on Facebook for family and friends that are not close (because let's be honest, printing and sending pictures is expensive!). But don't let yourself think that because you spent all day doing these things for them electronically that it's OK not to actually do it when they come home or when you do get to see them. <br />
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In our family, we eat dinner at the table as a family, with no electronics. Sometimes we leave the TV on, but that's a rare occasion. When my husband and I have our rare date nights, we sit across from each other and talk. No electronics. When we go out to eat as a family, we do not use our phones to pacify our boys unless the services is terrible and the food is taking too long. They know it's a time for us to be together, not to watch cartoons. No one in our house owns a tablet. We have a computer, it is not on when the boys are awake unless it's an extreme circumstance (like we just remembered a bill that needs to be paid NOW). We only use the laptops to Skype with family that is far away. Our boys play outside on a daily basis. They get time at daycare, but we also try to include time at home. They beg us to go outside instead of asking to watch TV. They do get to watch some TV, but even what they get often makes us wonder if they are getting too much. <br />
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I am not perfect and, let's face it, neither are you. And that's OK. We don't have to be. But we do have to present in our lives because no one else will. If you don't parent your children or show love to your spouse, someone else might. And that's not what any of us want. Humans are social creatures; we have been for a very long time. Many of us crave interaction with others and feel like we are getting through our phones. But that's not real. You can't touch or hug through the phone. Do it for real. Hug your kids. Kiss your husband. Give a high-five to the co-worker who just had something great happen. Whatever it takes.<br />
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Don't forget why you had kids. You most likely had them as an expression of love between you and your spouse or significant other. Be the tangible love in their lives that they are to you. Show them, tell them, just be there for them. I promise you won't regret it.<br />
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7dLU6fk9QYAngela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-87683731076074667732014-03-31T21:15:00.001-05:002014-03-31T21:15:11.536-05:00Changing Things Up A BitI decided to try a new approach to my weekend. They way things normally worked was chaotic and stressful. It didn't seem to be working and I wanted to get some time to myself. April is going to be a very busy month for me, and I really need to make the most of my time. So here's what I changed.<br />
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I had been doing all of my cleaning, laundry, getting ready for the week on Sunday. It felt good to have everything ready on Monday morning. But here was the problem: that wasn't working. I spent all weekend trying to get enough homework done (as a PhD student, it literally never ends) to give myself permission to clean. It never worked. I would spend all weekend worrying about not having enough time and I would get distracted by everything in my house that wasn't clean. So this week, I changed my cleaning day to Friday. I don't have class on Friday's, so I stayed home and cleaned. I got all of the laundry washed, dried, and put away. Dishes got done. And I prepped veggies and fruit for snacks for the following week. Saturday rolled around and I went to work on my homework. I got SO much more done! I figured out that doing all of the cleaning on Friday meant I wasn't thinking about it on Saturday and I could actually focus. By Sunday at nap time, I was done with things that were due this week for my classes (even though there are other things I still need to get done) and I was able to relax on Sunday night. Even though today didn't go according to plan, I feel like I handled it better because this weekend was less stressful.<br />
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Another perk to changing things up: I was actually able to enjoy time with my boys. Instead of trying to wash dishes or fold laundry while they played, I could concentrate on them. I didn't feel guilty for playing with my kids. I used to feel like I should be cleaning or working but then it meant missing out time with the boys. But if I spent time with the boys, I felt like I should be cleaning or working. That contradiction never happened this weekend. It's amazing what changing one little thing can do.<br />
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I challenge you to take a good look at routine. How long has it been since you changed things up? How long have you been doing the same thing? And more importantly, is it working? Really think about it. Routine is good, but only when it is beneficial to you and your family. Try something different if it's not doing the job. If it is working for you, great! You are probably several steps ahead of the rest of us in that regard.<br />
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Maybe it's not your routine that needs changing. Maybe you should change your hair style or color, maybe try a new style of clothing, experiment with your makeup, rearrange your furniture, whatever! It's always good to take a step away from your "normal" once in awhile. You may find something new that you like or you may learn that what you are doing is just fine for you. Either way, it is valuable information to have. It's important to do this every once in awhile because as you grow, as your kids grow, as your family grows and changes, what worked once may not work forever. And let's face it, things can get stagnant. But no one needs to stay there. <br />
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HAVE FUN!Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-60223811358035370752014-02-19T10:45:00.001-06:002014-02-19T10:45:23.376-06:00Listen to Your KidsI am writing this post for two reasons. First, I want to talk about a situation with our daycare provider and second, I want to encourage all parents out there to really listen to what your kids are telling you and learn to read between the lines. I am going to preface this by saying that I am not a trained interviewer or anything like that, but I do have a background in child psychology so I had a pretty good idea to handle the situation that came up. I am hoping that this will help others, but I also encourage parents to get appropriate authorities involved if necessary.<br />
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When we first found our daycare, we were very excited. When we moved to Texas we were upset about leaving the daycare in Missouri because we were so happy with it. We toured a few daycare facilities that left us unimpressed and then we stumbled on Daycare 1 (I am changing the name for various reasons). It seemed perfect. The boys started in August of 2013. At first, my oldest son was so excited to go and he would cry on the days he couldn't go. We could only afford for them to go 3 days a week but they were enjoying it a lot. </div>
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Each classroom had 2 teachers. In our older son's room there was one teacher, Miss Ann (again, I am changing names) that he was really drawn to. He talked about her and she was very good with him. The other teacher, Miss Mary, raised our eyebrows a little bit. She was not as warm, she was short with the kids sometimes, and she seemed to get overwhelmed easily. We kept an eye on her, but because our son was drawn to Miss Ann we weren't overly concerned. Around Thanksgiving, Miss Ann got hurt and was moved out of the room. This put Miss Mary in charge and that was when we started noticing some changes in our son's behavior. He started getting an attitude and not behaving like himself. Miss Ann would tell us he had a fine day at school, but then our son would tell us he had a bad day or a hard day. We thought that it was just a phase; after all, he's 4 and it's not unusual for a kid that age to be somewhat defiant.</div>
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Around the same time, we started having issues with the front staff. There were changes being made to the payment policy that was contrary to the arrangement we had made with the director of the center. We were getting phone calls at least once, sometimes twice a week asking us when they were getting paid. Because the boys were part time, we paid on the first day they attended which was Tuesday. They started asking us to pay the Friday before for the next week. If we didn't pay, we would get a call Friday and Monday asking us where the payment was. After talking to the director, it was supposed to stop, but it didn't. Then a couple of weeks ago we were told that they were going to automatic payments ONLY, meaning they were not taking payments in the center anymore and it would be drafted from our account the Friday before for the week ahead. We were very uncomfortable about that and the director told us she would find out what, if any, other options would be available. Several weeks went by with no answers.</div>
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My husband starting suggesting we look for a new daycare. I was hesitant because I liked where they were and it was close to the house. But he eventually talked me into going to look at some that were cheaper. We found one that was amazing; smaller classes, caring teachers, didn't cost as much, and reminded us of our daycare in Missouri. We decided to take the boys to see it, just to see how they would do. I decided that I wanted to ask my oldest son how he would feel about looking at a new school. I figured if he was very resistant and wanted to stay where he was, we needed to try to work things out. When I asked him how he felt about looking at a new school, he said, "Yes! A school with out Miss Mary." A red flag went up in my brain. I asked him why he wanted a school without Miss Mary. He said, "She says I'm bad. She makes me bad." </div>
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At this point, I was very upset. I called my mom to tell her what he had said. He wanted to talk to Grandma, so I put her on speaker phone. He started talking about Miss Mary and said, "She puts me in the corner." Totally new information to me and I was livid. However, I kept my feelings to myself because I didn't want him to know I was upset. One of the things I have learned in my academic career is that you have to control how you react when a child says something like that because if you freak out, they will shut down. They often think they are in trouble and they don't want to upset you, so if you don't react calmly, they quit talking. By the time the boys were in bed and my husband got home from work, I was ready to hurt someone.</div>
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We discussed it and pulled them out of the daycare. We did not give the two weeks notice that Daycare 1 requests in the handbook. On their last day, the director and the account manager (who does the financial stuff) called us over to tell us that we had to give notice. I told my husband to take the boys outside and I laid into them. I had spoken with the education coordinator to make sure my oldest son was in a different classroom and had no contact with Miss Mary to finish out the week that we had paid for and I told her that we were done after that. The director and manager kept saying we needed to pay for another 2 weeks. I simply said, "I am not comfortable leaving my children in your care, I am not bringing them back, and we are done." Eventually they let it go.</div>
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Only 2 days into the new daycare, I can honestly say I have my son back. His attitude is almost completely gone and he is laughing and having more fun than he has in awhile. He is constantly asking when he gets to go back and gets upset when we leave. Both boys are playing and getting to do activities that wear them out; they are so tired by the end of the day. That is how a daycare should be.</div>
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Now, I want to make a couple of points here. Everyday my kids went to daycare, I would ask them what they did that day. My oldest son would tell me what activities he did, but he never mentioned issues with his teacher. Once I gave him the opportunity to, he opened up. If you are asking your kids about their day, make sure you ask about their teacher once in awhile. I really think my son wanted to tell me what was happening, but didn't know how. Once I opened to door to that conversation, he took full advantage of it. So don't just ask about activities, ask about friends and teachers, too.</div>
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Another thing: BELIEVE YOUR KIDS. From my training, kids are more likely to lie by leaving out information than they are to lie by making up things. They will tell you something to test you, to see how you react. If you react calmly, they will continue to talk. That's what you want. And unless you have a very strong reason to think otherwise, believe what they are saying to you. I made sure to tell my son how proud of him I was for telling me the truth about what happened. I want him to know that he can continue to come to me with problems. I won't always be able to fix it for him, but in this case I could do something about it.<br />
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Last point I want to make: trust your instincts. I can't help but feel a little guilty about not listening to my gut. If we would have pulled them when we first starting having reservations, our son would not have gone through this. If I would have listened to my husband when he first started suggesting we look at others, we could have avoided this whole mess. While this was a learning experience for all of us, I hope that someone out there reading this will also learn from it and avoid the mistakes we made. It is OK to demand what you think is best for your children and if you aren't getting it, it's OK to move on. <br />
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Now that the boys are in a different daycare, I am working on filing a complaint with Daycare 1. We were told the teacher would be taken care of, but how do I know other kids in my son's class aren't going through the same thing? In the end all I can do is bring to the attention of as many people as possible and hope it gets resolved. Don't be afraid to rock the boat. I used to worry about what people would think of me and I would avoid confrontation. As I got older and then after having kids, all of that went out the window. I will rock the boat as hard as I need to make sure my kids and my family are taken care of appropriately. But I feel like I also took care of the situation without losing my temper; I handled it without yelling or blowing my top. I got my point across without having to do that. Just remember that acting quickly without thinking can do more harm than good. And I kept remembering something my dad once told me: Having tact means you can tell someone to go to hell and make them think it was their idea to being with. Be tactful and you will be just as satisfied with the results as if you would have screamed your head off. <br />
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At the end of all of this, I can say that I lived and learned, my kids are being taken care of, and you know what else? It's all OK.</div>
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Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-67568775989296598582014-01-21T22:45:00.001-06:002014-01-21T22:45:51.290-06:00Boys and GirlsI have been thinking about how to approach this post for awhile now. I just haven't been sure exactly what to say. But I want to get it out of my head because I think it is more helpful that way.<br />
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About 2 months ago, we found out my oldest son needed glasses. When we went to the store to pick out frames, my husband and I agreed that whatever he picked he could have because it meant he would actually wear them. It turned into quite a struggle because he didn't want to try any on. We eventually turned it into a game and he was focused on a pair of frames that had stars on them. They just happened to be pink. While my husband and I were trying to keep our younger son occupied and figure out what frames our older son wanted, the assistant leaned over to me and whispered, "Those are girl frames."<br />
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DUH. I knew that. They were pink, had stars and glitter, and had a well known kitty on them. I turned to the lady and said, "I know. But if it means he will wear them, I don't care." She looked a little taken aback at what I said. Kudos to her for accepting it and following my lead while talking to my son about them. He eventually settled on a striped pair that he now calls his "tiger glasses." But if he had stuck with the girl frames, you bet I would have bought them for him.<br />
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Now I'm sure some people reading this will say things like, "Don't you think he'll get made fun of?" or "He's a boy and you should dress him like a boy." Of course I worried that he would get made fun of, but if they were what he wanted, he would have defended his decision to his friends. Trust me on this, he is very strong-willed (and that's putting it mildly). I also know that very few kids would get close enough and pay enough attention to his glasses, so the odds of that happening are pretty low. <br />
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Now to address the other issue. Yes he is a boy and he dresses like a boy; that's what he picks. But my boys are also fans of Doc McStuffins, Sophia the First, and some other shows that are geared toward girls. If one of them decided that they wanted a toy or a shirt that was one of those characters, I would buy it for him. I take the approach that my grandma had: every boy should have a doll and every girl should have a truck. <br />
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I have read stories about boys being teased for dressing up in girls clothes to play. It's interesting that it doesn't always go the other way. If a boy dresses like a girl, he's labeled a sissy. Sometimes people even think he might grow up to be gay. If a girl dresses like a boy, she's a tomboy. Sometimes people might think she'll become an athlete. So why does it make a difference? If I had the answer to that, I would be rich.<br />
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I want my sons to be happy. It took me almost 30 years to figure out what I wanted to do with my life that would make me happy. I hope they figure it out sooner. But will I be upset if one of them wants to dance instead of play football? No. Will I be upset if one of them wants to be involved in theater instead of basketball? No. As long as they are doing what they want, I don't care. <br />
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You don't have to agree with me. Parents can do what they think is best for their children. Just don't force your values or gender roles on your children if they choose something else. Let them be kids and let them be who they are. Everyone will be happier for it, and guess what? It's OK.Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4797323327966189411.post-85297664857164866792013-12-28T22:47:00.001-06:002013-12-28T22:47:08.096-06:00Resolutions: Yes or No?I've seen a few people on my Facebook page talking about New Year's resolutions. It got me thinking: should I make one or should I make none? In December of 2011, I wrote a note on Facebook (notes were all the rage at that time) about making what I called non-resolutions. Here's what I wrote then:<br />
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<em>Ok, I have been thinking a lot about resolutions and the ones everyone always makes. Lose weight, stop smoking, exercise, blah, blah, blah. I don't want to make resolutions I know I won't keep. So here is my list of things that I am NOT going to do instead of things I say I will do and won't. Hence, non-resolutions. All the experts say to use positive language in your resolutions, but I am going to break that rule here today. </em><br />
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<li><em>I am NOT going to feel bad for enjoying food. Yes, I will still watch my weight and eat healthy as much as I can, but little pleasures are good for everybody. And, as my former Weight Watchers Leader told me, I can enjoy foods I like and still get to a healthy weight.</em></li>
<li><em>I am NOT going to feel like a bad mom for making decisions I think are best for my kids. Or even making decisions I regret later. My kids are not going to come to me in 30 years and say, "My life is in ruins because you didn't breastfeed me until I was a year old, made me eat my veggies, didn't bathe me everyday, and didn't give me a set bedtime."</em></li>
<li><em>I am NOT going to feel bad for having a less than hospital clean house. I have 2 little kids and if I followed them around cleaning, I would never get anything else done. It is ok if the floor is dirty, the dishes aren't always done before I go to bed and the laundry sits in baskets for a few days. As one of my KLASS kiddos so eloquently put it, "My daddy said God made dirt so dirt don't hurt."</em></li>
<li><em>I am NOT going to feel bad for taking time out for myself. If I don't, I may go crazy and go out with my pants on backwards or two different shoes on.</em></li>
<li><em>I am NOT going to be upset if things don't go as planned. Life happens right? So why not just go with the flow. Human beings adapt well and it's good for us to have surprises in life. Who cares if the surprise is Ben fingerpainting with his poop or Marc suddenly rolling into a dog drool spot? </em></li>
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<em>So here they are! My 2012 Non-Resolutions. Anybody care to join me in the new year?</em><br />
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I think I did ok with most of them. I have certainly been more accepting of life's surprises and my house is only clean for about 5 minutes before company shows up. I still have to work on taking time out for myself, but I think every mom struggles with that to a certain extent. And if you're a mom and you have that part figured out, will you please let the rest of us know how to do it? <br />
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What kinds of resolutions or non-resolutions do you want to make? I firmly believe that when I wrote these two years ago, I had no idea if I would be able to do any of them. I also know that when I wrote these, I was a tired mama with a 2 year old and a 6 month old and I knew there was no way I could realistically do any more than this. In all honesty, don't make resolutions you know you won't keep or make the same ones you made last year. Try something new, if you want to do resolutions. It may lead you to a place you never expected. And those adventures can be some of the best.Angela Collinshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09368507727014912358noreply@blogger.com0