I am about to start my 4th week as a doctoral student. I had a realization today that I am so grateful for having now. This is one lightbulb I needed the light from.
I have been sick for about a week and I have been trying to force getting ahead on my homework. I started feeling bad when some of the girls in my class began discussing an assignment they had already completed. I felt bad because I was still working on it. Immediately, that little monster in the back of my head started talking to me. You know the one.
You're not done and everyone else is.
You're falling behind.
You won't make it.
You'll never finish.
You'll never graduate.
Ridiculous to let one assignment start all that, right? I think most, if not all, women go through this at some point. It doesn't matter how good you look, how smart you are, how much money you make, there is always someone out there doing better than you. But instead of focusing on what we have done, how good we look, or how smart we are, we get stuck on the one who is better. And I was about to get sucked in. Until I decided to do something.
SHUT UP. I don't need to hear this right now.
That's right, I told my little monster where to stick it. I had the realization that it doesn't matter how fast I get assignments done as long as I get them done by the deadline. I am the only person in my cohort that is married with 2 kids. So you know what? The fact that I am getting it done at all is pretty damn impressive.
I want to take a tangent here for a minute. I also get tired of other people assuming that my kids are a distraction. For anyone who has kids, kids are an incredible motivator. Sure, I wonder if things would go faster if I didn't sing "The Wheels on the Bus" three dozen times a night or try to bathe and dress a 3 year old and a 2 year old at the same time. But because I know my time is limited, I can get more homework done in an hour than I could in 5 before I had kids.
Tonight I accomplished the following: laundry washed, folded and put away; dishes washed; cookies baked; I got a shower; set out my clothes for tomorrow; and most importantly, I spent the night playing with my boys. I think I am super woman, but it's even better to know that I am super mom.
