Who are you WITHOUT the kids?

Sherri here!  Glad you could join me.

So, today I wanted to discuss a topic that many of us don't put any serious thought to on a regular basis.  Perhaps it has fleetingly crossed your mind, only to be overtaken by more pressing issues - like the snack that just got spilled, the massive piles of laundry that needs to be done, or the sibling bickering that has suddenly become a full blown meltdown.  However, it's *vitally* important to come back to it as it will actually help you be a better parent!

Who are you WITHOUT the kids?

There seems to be a running joke that when you become a parent, you lose your life.  To be perfectly honest, it can feel like that's not all that far from the truth!  Moms especially tend to feel this way.  Your perspective on all the things you used to do or be before having children is very different after a child comes.  However, I'd venture to say that it's not so much that you lose your life...it just changes.  A LOT.  All at once.  It's easy to get lost in all the things you "should" do or be now, and completely forget what you did or who you were before.  THIS.IS.DANGEROUS.  You cannot expect to change what you do or who you are drastically and suddenly without yearning for how things were.

Enter MOM GUILT.

"But I should love being a stay-at-home mom...I shouldn't wish I could trade places with my husband when he leaves for work."

"But I should love being a working mom...I shouldn't be bawling everyday after dropping my kids off at daycare."

"But I should love being a mom...I shouldn't feel bad for dropping the kids off with a sitter so I can go out without them."

Etc, etc, etc.  I am quite certain you can think of a sentence similar to these that has run through your head before!  AND IT'S OKAY.  Really!  Just think about it...

Are you the same person you were before you had a child?

YES.

Do you have the same likes & dislikes as you did before you had a child?

YES.

Are there things that you enjoyed doing before you had kids that you still enjoy doing?

YES.

Regardless of everything that has changed around you, YOU are still the same person underneath it all.  If you try to ignore that or completely change that person, you will likely find yourself in a very unpleasant place.  Just like your kids need attention and nurturing...so does the person you still are OTHER than "Mom".

Plus, let's be honest, parenting is temporary.  Truly!  Although you will *always* be mom and you will *always* worry about and watch out for your kids...eventually they move on.  This is true even for special needs parents.  While it may not look the same as a neurotypical family, it still happens.  This is a slow progression - which can be good and bad!  Thankfully our kids don't all of a sudden *POOF* grow up and don't need us anymore.  Can you imagine how traumatic that would be?  Rather, it happens over many years, a little bit at a time.  The exact rate is different for each child, but the truth remains.  Because it's so slow, though, it can be easy to feel like it sneaks up on you.  One day your child doesn't want/need help on homework anymore...the next, they are moving out.

So...what happens then?  What happens to YOU?  You may have just spent the last 20-30 YEARS being Mom.  Now what????  I say, again...

Who are you WITHOUT the kids?

Of course, the answer to that question is different for every mama.  Here's the thing: if someone were to walk up to you today and ask you that question, COULD YOU ANSWER IT?  I figure that if you're still reading this article by now...the answer is probably no.

Here's how to figure it out:

Make a list of all things you do (or did) enjoy AND DO THEM.

Seriously!  That's it.  Easier said than done, you say?  Absolutely!

Look, you already HAVE the answer to this question.  I bet if you took a moment, you already know what things you like.  The real challenge is spending time doing them.  My point here is NOT to add one more thing to your already over-filled plate.  In order to spend some time with the things that define you and your personality without the kids, you are going to have to put something else down - even if it's just temporarily.  We can't do "IT ALL" and trying to just makes things worse!  Have you ever heard the oxygen mask analogy?  Let's revisit.  On every flight, what does the flight attendant tell you to do in case of an emergency?  Put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.  The logic is simple: you can't help anyone else if you yourself are passed out from lack of oxygen.  Figuring out who you are and what you like WITHOUT the kids will help you be a better mama when you are WITH the kids.  Plus, eventually when you are not all mama all day, you won't feel so lost.

So, if you like to paint or read or skydive or sew or bike ride or go out with friends or whatever...DO IT!  The Mom Guilt will likely plague you at first.  Just being honest.  Which also means that, at least at first, these things you enjoy...won't be so enjoyable.  Try again.  Or try something different.  Just don't quit trying!  Eventually, the guilt will fade, especially as you see the benefits to your family when you feel better.  There's also nothing saying that you have to find time away from your family to do these things!  Find ways to include the kids - then give them the option to join you again or not.  They need to see that there is more to life, and to you, than just mama.  They also need to see that not everyone enjoys the exact same things...and that it's okay!  The important part to remember is this... 

You are a valuable person, both with and without the kids.

You ARE Not The Perfect Mama.

Who is the (NOT) Perfect Mama YOU look up to?

As an NTPM, there are a lot of mamas that I look to for inspiration, motivation, and feelings of acceptance. Some of them are online, others are real, flesh-and-blood friends of mine. And some of them come to my rescue when I least expect it.

At work a couple of weeks ago, I got a phone call from my husband. He was very upset and told me that he was ready to throw in the towel on homeschooling. I managed to talk him down and told him that maybe we needed to revise our schedule (among other things, but that’s not important right now). As soon as I hung up the phone, I immediately went searching for a friend of mine.

This friend is one of the mamas I look up to. She has a beautiful little girl that she loves dearly. She is very successful in our line of work, including winning multiple awards. She is always well dressed, always happy to see everyone, energetic, bubbly, and genuine. She is just an all around amazing woman and mother. I went to find her because I needed to talk about what had just happened. I felt like a failure and I knew she would be able to commiserate with me.

What happened was a lot more than I bargained for (in a good way!). I ended up in an office with my mama friend and another friend that, while not having kids of her own, loves my boys dearly and I knew she would listen as well. The three of us are talking about what happened and I just lost it. There I was, crying, feeling like a failure as a mom, feeling like a failure at my job, just feeling lost and overwhelmed with everything life has thrown at me. My dear friend stands up and just bear hugged me. As hard as she could. It was like she was hugging love right into me.

As I pulled myself together, she proceeded to tell me that she sees ME as someone that SHE looks up to. I was completely floored. I never thought that anyone would look up to me because from my perspective, I was barely hanging on - and that is not what people aspire to. My first reaction was to brush her off and tell her that she shouldn’t look up to me because I am so far from having this mama thing figured out that I might as well be on the moon. But I stopped myself. Instead, I told her that I looked up to HER. I don’t know if she felt the same way I did when I heard her say it, but she came up with an amazing idea.

While I think she would agree that we are both not the perfect mamas, we saw in each other the “SuperMom” moments - moments we have a hard time recognizing through our flaws. To remind ourselves of that moment, she printed off a blank superhero cape coloring page. She colored one for me and listed all of the things that she thought I was super at. And I did the same for her. Once complete, we both taped them up in our offices.

This was an eye-opening experience for me. I realized that I had neglected to tell my friend how much of an inspiration she was to me. I just assumed she knew how great she is! And I also learned that despite what I saw as my own shortcomings, other mamas look to me as a source of inspiration, just like I do to them. That really boosted my confidence and helped me take a step back from everything that I thought I was doing wrong and focus on what I am doing right.

The biggest lesson to take away from this is that we should be telling each other how much other mamas mean to us! Especially not the perfect mamas. My friend’s belief in me helped renew my drive to do what is best for my kiddos which then helped my husband and I make changes that needed to be made. With all of this in mind, I want to issue a challenge. Who is the NTPM that you look up to? Once you have identified her (or even THEM), I challenge you to TELL HER THAT. Let her know how much she means to you! I guarantee you will make her day.

And remember...it’s going to be OK.

~ Angela

Debunking "SuperMom"

Today’s blog post is coming to you from BOTH Angela and her sister, Sherri.

It’s laid out in conversation-style, so come join in the chat!

Angela:

Hey everyone!

I’d like to introduce my sister, Sherri.  She’s going to join in the

conversation with me today, as it’s an issue we both feel

pretty strongly about.  Welcome!

Sherri:

Thanks!  As she said, I’m Angela’s sister.

I have a blended family of 5, including a couple of kiddos with some special needs,

and I wanted to weigh in today after a conversation Angela and I had recently.

Angela:

Yeah, so today’s post is about the myth of “SuperMom”.

Sherri:

Exactly.  So where do you think this comes from?

Where do we get this idea in our head of what motherhood

should look like - whether it’s realistic or not?

Angela:

I think when we have kids we think we will be able to do it all.

“Sure, I can go to work but still spend enough time at home!”

“Of course I can breastfeed, pump at work, and the baby will

take a bottle sometimes and me the rest of the time!”

“I can absolutely have it all without any guilt and my baby

will act perfectly and be just wonderful!”

Sounds great, doesn’t it?

Sherri:

Sure does!  And I think it’s based on the hopes we all have

about what kind of momma we want to be.  I think it’s especially

worse with the first child - you have to no frame of reference

for what’s reasonable.  Everything SEEMS doable.

Angela:

But we often find out that life is less than perfect.

Sure, I can go to work and spend time at home...but in doing so,

I feel guilty for not being home more AND at the same time

I feel like my work is suffering because I spend all day long

missing my kiddos. Of course I can breastfeed and pump at work…

until the baby goes on a nursing strike because it’s easier

to eat out of a bottle than it is to eat from me. And now I feel guilty

AGAIN because if I was home, this wouldn’t have happened.

But if I stay home, I feel like I’m giving up the career I worked so hard for.

Sherri:

It’s a constant mental game - and it doesn’t matter what side you

start on.  It’s that whole “grass is greener” thing.

But if you really start to think about it, the inconsistencies get more noticeable.

“The perfect mom can go to work, feel accomplished, and get ahead

without feeling guilty or missing out on time with her kids.”

“The perfect mom stays at home, never misses her career or her friends,

and is perfectly content and happy with her kids all day everyday.”

Not only can neither of those statements actually be true in and of themselves...

they DEFINITELY can’t both be true at the same time!

Angela:

Yeah, it seems like everything will go perfectly and be just wonderful…

until it isn’t.  Maybe you’re a SAHM that wishes you were working or a

working mom who wishes you could stay home.  Perhaps it’s more than

that, and you start noticing that something isn’t right. Maybe your kiddo

isn’t eating well and can’t gain weight. Maybe your kiddo should be

walking or talking and hasn’t gotten there yet. Maybe your kiddo has

started biting him/herself or is headbutting the floor. Maybe you just

have “Mommy Radar” that says something is wrong.

Sherri:

And here comes Round 2 of the mental game!  “If I was staying

home, I would have noticed sooner or been able to focus more on helping

my child”  “If I was working, I’d be able to afford to take my child to see

that Dr that has all the answers.”  Honestly, though, when something

is up with your kiddo - it doesn’t matter.  All that matters is that YOU

are this child’s momma.  We just tend to see our failures instead

of our successes.  No matter when or how, you KNOW when it’s time to take action!

However, that Call to Action seems to trigger our sense of Mom Perfection again.

Angela:

So you notice something is wrong and you do all you can

to find out what is going on, and all of a sudden...you become

a special needs mom. Here is the chance to be SuperMom again, right?

“I will do research, find therapies or medications that might help!”

“I’ll research them all and be well-versed to discuss pros, cons,

and side-effects at the next appointment!”  “I will make all of the

appointments to get all of the necessary referrals for services my

kiddo’s needs!” “I will make a list of questions to ask the doctor!” “I can do this!”

Sherri:

However, between meltdowns, sleep deprivation, housework,

and who-knows-what-else...life gets in the way.  Where I think we get into trouble

is that these don’t seem like particularly difficult things to do!  And individually, they aren’t.

“Surely I can carve out 15 minutes to Google my child’s diagnosis…”

“I can throw in a load of laundry every hour or so, and fold it after the kids go to bed.”

But when we have a list of 30 of these so-called

small tasks...there’s no way to get them all done.

Then when they DON’T happen, we beat ourselves up over it.

OR, we do get a chance to do SOME of things we wanted to do…

and then wish we hadn’t.  It all just ends up adding to our list.

Angela:

Exactly.  You Google until the research gets depressing and

you don’t want to read anymore. And that therapy you thought

would be perfect isn’t offered within driving distance of your home.

The medication has some pretty heavy possible side effects

that you have to consider. Appointments? Yeah, more like waiting lists galore.

You are looking at months before getting into doctors or other specialists.

And your list of questions?  Either it never got made...or you made it and left it on the counter.

Sherri:

Oh, and we mommas are the BEST at self-flagellation.  We lay in bed at night

replaying everything that went wrong and how we think we should have

handled it differently.  We worry about ANOTHER day going by without

the therapy or medication, about the time that has slipped away.

Agonizing over that trip to the grocery store where you ran into a long lost

friend from high school...while your kiddo was mid-meltdown on the floor and

you were sporting a ratty t-shirt decorated with caked-on oatmeal and snot.

Angela:

YES!  And then, you start comparing yourself to other moms

you THINK are out there. You see one mom who is able to not only

complete all the recommended therapy with her kiddo but several

times a day, because she is able to stay home. And she makes a video

to show everyone else how to do it. You see another mom who has a

blog full of eating tips and healthy recipes that she used to help her kiddo

with eating issues gain weight. She promises you can do it too! You see

even more moms post Pinterest-worthy pictures about outings or crafts

or dance recitals or karate tournaments...and you suddenly feel inadequate.

“Why can’t I do all of that?”

Sherri:

Uh huh!  You ladies know what we’re talking about.  You start berating yourself

and putting together a mental image of the SuperMom who easily and happily

finds time to do each of these tasks that, after all, aren’t that big of a deal.  Am I right???

You can see her in your head...the mom that’s always put together and accessorized,

even if it’s just for a quick run to the store.  The mom whose house is always

spotless and prepared for a last-minute playdate.  The mom who handles

bumps in the schedule for the day with grace and ease…and whose kids

are never upset about it.  The mom who blasts FB every morning with posts like,

“What a gorgeous day!  Squeezed in a short 5 mile run, then

made the kids GFDF cinnamon rolls from scratch, packed lunches

(organic, vegan, and nut-free, of course), and now I’m ready to wake them up!”

Angela:

Here’s what I think happens. We see all of these little bits of

“perfection” from many different moms and we mush them all together.

We mentally create a “SuperMom” that doesn’t exist. We think that if someone

can do all of that therapy, I can too. If someone else can get their kiddo

to eat well, I can too. If someone else can take their kiddo to the zoo

without a meltdown, I can too. And pretty soon we have set all these ridiculously

high expectations for ourselves that actually came from many, many

different moms who are sharing their brief moments of perfection.

Moment of perfection + Moment of perfection + Moment of perfection = “SuperMom”

Sherri:

YAASSSS...so much this.  Look, I am *for sure* NOT against us moms sharing

our successes (however small they might be).  However, we all need

to take each of those moments with a grain of salt!  For all you know, the ONE

moment that momma posted about was LITERALLY the only positive thing

that happened to her that day.  But nobody shares the bad stuff!  Well, not ALL

of it, anyway.  Think - we get onto each other for that.  #TRUTHBOMB

We’ve gotta stop doing this to each other, ladies.  Celebrate the successes your

fellow moms are experiencing - even if their success was around something

you failed at today.  Share your frustrations and let your friends know

that you need help AND what you need.  Heck, don’t just say,

“Call me; we’ll go get coffee!”  Get coffee and GO.TO.HER!

Be SuperMom for someone else.

Help make sure that momma knows that IT’S ALL GOING TO BE OKAY.

Angela:

Here’s the thing to remember, this SuperMom we created…ISN’T REAL.

#GASP  We made her up! And then we are holding ourselves to HER

standard of perfection, not the reality of our daily lives. We need to not

only stop creating SuperMom but we also need to stop striving for perfection.

Nobody is perfect all the time and we should be

embracing that. However, that doesn’t mean that you aren’t EXACTLY

what your kiddos need. They’ve been entrusted to YOU!  No one else...just you.

Once you accept that you are not the perfect mama, life is a little bit easier.  

Let’s rewrite that equation:

Moments of NON Perfection + Love + Grace + Laughter + Tears =

Not The Perfect Mama

Does My Son Have Autism Or Is He Autistic?

I ran into an unintentional conversation online the other day. It got me thinking a lot, particularly about the words we use on a regular basis. While I stayed out of this particular online conversation, as I sensed a troll lurking in the background, it was interesting to watch the comments. Here's how it began.

Someone posted an article or link of some kind with a comment about terminology and mental illness. The comment was something along the lines of referring to people as having a certain disorder, not being a certain disorder (e.g. she has bi-polar versus she is bi-polar). The argument being made was that people with medical illnesses are referred to as having a certain diagnosis, not being a certain diagnosis (e.g. he has cancer versus he is cancer).

I made a comment on the post about my youngest son having a diagnosis of autism and that I try very hard to tell people he HAS autism while trying not to say he is autistic. I personally do it this way because from my experience, it is easier for people to see the boy, the person he is, if I say he has autism instead of saying he's autistic. He is SO much more than his diagnosis and for me, I prefer saying it that way.

Someone made a comment to my post. Here is what was said:

"Please forgive my ignorance, but what's the difference? If he HAS autism, he IS autistic. They mean the same thing. Using the alternative phrase takes away nothing from him unless you let it. 

That's like claiming, "I predominantly use my left hand," is different from saying, "I am left handed."

I weep over the strength people give words for no reason whatsoever than to find things to complain about." 

OK, for those of you who know me in real life, it took A LOT for me not to answer right away. I took some time to think about what this person wrote (and cool down a bit, let's be honest here). As I was thinking, some other comments came in from others. Many of them were from people with autism and they all disagreed about how to phrase it. Some said they refer to themselves as having autism, others said they refer to themselves as being autistic.

If the autism community had told me there was a consensus about the terminology, I would have gone with what people prefer. But there was no agreement. So I went back to thinking about the original comment. I was having trouble figuring out how to verbalize my thoughts on this, so I did not say anything, as I did not want to get wrapped up in an argument with someone that does not know me or my son.

Anyway, here are my thoughts (and you are free to disagree with me). First of all, to address the broader issue that was brought up, words DO matter and words DO have power. I think a good majority of people know that. Yes, we can control our reactions to words. If you call me a bad name, it will probably hurt my feelings (not for very long, but it will for a second). Even if the word you use is not mean, the intent behind your words is hurtful and that will probably bother me longer. 

Words are our way of communicating, of conveying messages, of sharing memories and emotions, of building relationships. Words are also our way of hurting one another, of expressing negativity, of conveying the intent of our messages, of tearing people apart. Our words are very important. In this regard, I think I can agree to disagree with the person about giving strength to words (and for the record, I was NOT complaining as was suggested). Words can hurt and heal, and I think we all need to be cognizant of that.

Back to the autism versus autistic debate. Having autism, to me, sounds like it is something my son has but the phrase still allows him to be so much more. Being autistic makes it sound, to me, like it is referring to his behavior, that he is autistic all the time. And yes, technically he is autistic all the time because yes, he does have autism so it is with him all the time. But when he is playing Power Rangers with his older brother, or telling me how much he loves our pets (he LOVES animals), or he is singing me a song, I do not see his diagnosis, I see HIM. To me, referring to his diagnosis as having autism allows for HIM to be seen by others. Being autistic sounds to me like he is tied to it and his behavior is tied to it all the time, and I do not feel like that describes him best.

I can honestly say that I would probably have a different opinion on this if he did not function as highly as he does. I also think my opinion would be different if I had autism myself. But neither of those is true, so I can only make decisions based on my experiences. If my son gets older and he tells me he wants to be referred to as being autistic, I will certainly honor his request. It is his choice. When he's old enough, I'll even sit him down and explain to him that he can choose. I want him to understand that he does not have to do what I did, he can choose whatever term he feels reflects him best. And I will tell him that his choice is flexible, that he can change his mind. 

All the while I have to remember that regardless of the term we use, regardless of the term he chooses, it's all OK. 

Giving Thanks

It's November and that means everyone on social media is now listing things they are thankful for every day. I usually do not partake in this, because I feel like keeping things to myself most of the time. And I often forget to do it, which causes stress for me because then I feel like I have to make up for it and it's just a vicious cycle that makes being thankful feel like a chore instead of feeling actual gratitude. But this year, I have a lot to be thankful for and I thought it would be better to lay things out here instead of on a daily basis.

I am at a point in my life that I never dreamed of. I have a job that was never on my radar while I was in college as an undergraduate. But this job makes me very happy, my coworkers are fantastic, and I have a schedule flexible enough to be home with my family more than most people get to. When my boys were born, I missed them so much while I was at work. I remember asking other moms how they dealt with it and a lot of them said the feeling never goes away, it just gets easier.  And I had trouble with that. I understand that the feeling of missing your children while at work/school diminishes as everyone gets used to a schedule. But I never thought it should be easy. For many parents, missing your kids might be an underlying feeling that doesn't get recognized on a regular basis, even though it's still there. But I never wanted to NOT feel that way. Missing them makes me appreciate them more when I am with them. And it helps them appreciate me. When I get home on the days I have to be in my office, I am always greeted by hugs, kisses, and a chorus of "I missed you, mommy!" and "I'm glad you're back!" This is important to me because when we had a more traditional schedule, I didn't get hugs, kisses, and a chorus of "I missed you, mommy!" and "I'm glad you're back!" Because we get more time as a family, we appreciate our time away as well as when we get back together.

I do not say this to knock families that function well in a more traditional sense. And I'm not saying that the way our family functions would work for everyone. What I am saying is that I made a choice to not settle when people told me I had no choice. I fought, alongside my husband,  to make choices and options for our family that worked best for us. We did not accept that we had no other options. We did not accept that we did not have to be happy. We did not settle and the fight was so worth it.

I am also thankful that this job has allowed us to homeschool our boys. I can work from home to help be a part of it. And it allows us to seek all of the therapies they need to help them be successful and happy. It was a very difficult decision to make and we have had challenges. It's not easy, but it's what is best for the boys, and I'm thankful that we have the ability to choose what is best.

I am thankful that my husband did not have to rush into a job he doesn't want or like. My job takes care of our bills and while it's not making us wealthy, it allows my hubby to make better, informed choices. He spent the last 3 years working a job he hated so I could pursue my dreams and get the job I have. So the fact that this job is now also benefiting him makes me feel happy as well.

I'm thankful for our uniqueness as individuals and as a family. I'm thankful for our ability to live life the way we want and not accept anything less. I'm thankful for a husband who works with me in this and considers all options with me, regardless of what others say or do. I'm thankful we are not a traditional family. Because I think we would all be bored and unhappy trying to fit into that definition of a family.

My hope for you is that you can be thankful for your family, however it works for you. That you make choices that are best for you and your family, regardless of what others are doing or saying. If you don't like how things are going in your life, I hope that you have the courage and support to make the changes you want. Because you deserve to be thankful and happy, too.

To the Man Who Gave My Son "The Look"

I've seen a lot of posts on various pages and blogs where the author writes a letter to a person, explaining some kind of situation or encounter involving their children. Many that I've read have been on sites for parents with children with special needs, medical issues, or something that makes a child "not normal." I never planned on writing one, even though I have special needs children. I didn't plan to write one because I don't particularly care what other people think about me or my children. My husband and I love them, our families love them, and that's all that matters. But I find myself with something to say anyway.

Dear Man Who Gave My Son "The Look",

I noticed you playing with your children at the park. I noticed you because, unlike a lot of parents I see, you were playing tag with your kids (no judgement, I know some parents use the park as a way to take a break). I thought it was great.

We showed up, two very rambunctious boys in tow. The thing that makes us stand out is usually my youngest son. He always wears a hat; not totally out of the ordinary but he always wears a train engineer's hat that used to belong to my grandfather. He is very protective of it, which can sometimes cause problems. He also wears what is comfortable, which means he doesn't always match and sometimes he downright clashes (but he is SO adorable). And on this day, he was also wearing one red glove and carrying a metal lunchbox (which was from Christmas) full of Thomas mini trains.

I saw you notice him. I saw "the look" we often get. You seemed a little confused or unsure about what to think. But, you didn't say anything, and you didn't tell your kids not to play with him. When they wanted him to join their fun, you just stood back. I was surprised, based on your initial reaction. I thought you would try to redirect them or distract them, but you didn't.

And then his lunchbox came open, spilling his mini trains all over the ground. He started getting really upset. Let me pause here. You don't know that he has autism. You don't know that his trains spilling put him on the verge of a meltdown. And as his mother, I could see the thunderclouds coming. I was getting ready to step in, when you did.

You were still playing with your children, very close to where my son spilled his trains. Before I could get to him, you and your children helped him. All three of you walked over and started helping him pick up his trains. I was so happy to see that, but for more than the reasons you think. Yes, I was happy to see you and your children help my son. But in doing that, you also kept him from getting wood chips on his one glove. Which meant I did not have to deal with another potential meltdown when I would have to take his glove off to remove the wood chips because the wood chips would have also caused a potential meltdown. You made his day, and mine.

Thank you, for everything, even though you'll probably never know.

Learning About Mama

This year has been quite interesting for me. As a family, we are making some major changes (but that's for another time). I've also gone down a road of self-discovery, which has been very informative, albeit unplanned. Regardless of how or why this happened, I'm so glad it did. For me, it's not all about learning new things about myself but also admitting things that I never really thought much about before. Here's what I've learned so far:

Realization #1. My relationship with coffee is complicated. I drink a lot of coffee. Mostly because I have two young(ish) children, both very high energy and both special needs. I'm tired ALL. THE. TIME. I need caffeine to get through the day. But here's where the admissions/confessions start. I don't like coffee that much. Ok, I do like it some. But I don't like that I need it so much. I hardly taste it anymore because I drink so much and I would honestly rather drink something else. I really prefer hot tea. It's so much more flavorful to me. I drink coffee over tea because I need the caffeine and because that's kind of expected of me.

Realization #2. Anyone who knows me well knows that I LOVE mint. Peppermint, spearmint, wintergreen, doesn't matter. I love it all! In fact, I used to eat toothpaste as a kid because I like it so much (and I'm not joking). I have discovered another flavor I enjoy almost as much: cinnamon. This has been really fun for me. It started with cinnamon tea from my sister. Oh my goodness, it was SO yummy! So I started exploring this. Cinnamon ice cream is good too, especially with almonds. But the cinnamon tea, Chai, anything like that is my new obsession.

Realization #3. This is probably going to make me some enemies but here it goes: I don't really like chocolate. It's ok. I eat it from time to time, usually combined with mint (see Realization #2). But if given the choice between chocolate and something else, I will usually pick something else. It's just not really my thing. But again, it's kind of an expectation that women like wine and chocolate - I don't really like either one.

Realization #4. I am freaking awesome! Ok, this isn't really a new realization. What has been new, however, is how often I'm reminded of it. And I'm not sure if I'm being reminded of it more or if I'm actively seeing it more. But does it matter? Nope! I know I'm awesome. An awesome mom, an awesome wife, an awesome woman, an awesome professional, I'm just awesome. And I don't care if nobody but me sees it. Which is a pretty cool feeling.

So what do I do with these realizations? For starters, I need to act on them. I don't like coffee as much as I like tea, so I need to start drinking more tea. And since I've discovered my new love of cinnamon, I should start trying teas with cinnamon flavors. I'm sure those things will lead to even more realizations.

So why am I telling you all of this? Because I want all of YOU to start down a road of self-discovery, too. Mine was unintentional, but yours can be your own doing. Start thinking about things you like or don't like. Have you been honest with yourself and others about these things? If not, you should. If it means making changes in your life, do it! I promise it will be worth it. Maybe it will lead to even more discovery, which would be so fun! Whether you are dropping things you don't like or adding things you do like, wouldn't that make life so much better?

The other reason I'm telling you this is because we all deserve to realize how awesome we are. And I want that for all of you. It will take time and it might not be easy, but you know what? It's OK.