Bad Day

When I was a kid, I had a book about Alexander and his horrible, terrible, no-good, very bad day. I used to read it and feel better about my day because it couldn't possibly be any worse than his. Until Wednesday.

I have to preface this with a separate story. Last weekend, my younger son ended up admitted to the hospital with croup. We went to the ER on Sunday morning and were admitted when the doctor didn't think he had improved enough after 2 breathing treatments. Not only did I spend a rough night with him, I had to help restrain him for an IV and 7 breathing treatments. So I was already emotionally and physically drained. Now back to Wednesday.

My doctoral classes have begun and Wednesday I had statistics at 9 am. As I was getting ready I hear my oldest son wake up my husband and it's not even 7 (that is early for him). Almost immediately, I hear him start crying as his request for something was not fullfilled immediately. His crying promptly woke up my younger son. Great.

After a morning full of whining and crying, I finally made it out the door. I have a 45 minute drive so I was concentrating on the highway. Half way there, my mind is wandering, and I look up at my rearview mirror. And it hits me. I don't have my parking pass. Great.

I get to school and park, tossing in a quick prayer not to get a ticket (I didn't, thank goodness!). I grab my bags and started looking for my lunch. It wasn't there. I forgot it. Great.

Starting to get angry and frustrated, I finally make it to my office. Several of my classmates are there talking and they can all sense something is wrong. I just said I was having a bad day and tried to move on. I opened my laptop to check my email. Someone asked me a question so I turned around to face whoever it was. As I turned in my chair, I knocked over my cup and spilled coffee on the keyboard of my laptop. Great.

Fortunately for me, someone else was with it enough to tell me to tip it upside down. I credit her with saving my computer. By this point, I wanted to cry. But I couldn't because it was time for class. I get all of my materials out including pencil and paper to take notes. As I start writing, I hear, snap! My pencil lead broke. I wipe it away and click for a new piece of lead. Ok, I can continue. About 5 minutes later.... snap! Here we go again. A few minutes later... snap! You have got to be kidding me. I did this for three hours! Great.

When class ended, I threw my hands up. I was done. I went home early, had lunch with my husband, and we picked up the boys early for extra play time. You may not remember Alexander when you have a bad day, but maybe you can remember me. A laugh a little bit.

Boys Will Be Boys

Growing up as the younger of two sisters, our home was filled to the brink with Barbies, clothes, dolls and other such girly things. As a mom, my role is totally reversed as I am now the only girl in this house. I find myself surrounded by cars and trucks. I have learned that anything (and I truly mean anything) can become a sword with enough imagination.

I have also started learning that boys handle problems and show love in a totally different way than I am used to. My sister and I used to have screaming matches and call each other ridiculous names (it's ok, we've forgiven each other since). I used to get up at 5 am to beat her into our shared bathroom otherwise I would get locked out. The drama was so over the top, I often wonder why my dad didn't pull his hair out. My boys, all 3 of them, do things completely different.

I realized this when we were Skyping with my parents this weekend. My oldest climbed on top of me, like he was trying to sit on my shoulders. This is no easy task for me, as he has been in the 95th percentile for height and weight since birth. At 3 he is already over 3 1/2 feet tall and close to 40 pounds. As my mom was watching me struggle she says to him, "You should be nice to mommy." It was in that moment that I realized he was.

Let me explain a little better. Boys show their love in physical ways. My boys are at their happiest when they are all wrestling together and smacking each other around. Girls like hugs and such but words mean so much more. That's why you see girls drinking coffee and talking about their problems and guys drink beer and see who can take the most punches. My oldest son was showing me love by climbing all over me. It seems like an oxymoron, but at least from my experience it's true.

I wonder how this house will be in 10 years when we have 2 teenage boys who want to have friends over to watch football. How much of my stuff will get broken and how much will it cost me to feed them? I don't know, but I'm willing to bet that the higher the bill, the more love there will be in this house.

No Pictures, Please!

We went to the Houston Zoo yesterday. It's the second time we've made the trip. The first time was on Father's Day and we took many pictures to commemorate the occasion. I made a decision that on this trip we would not take any. You read that right, NO PICTURES.

Here's why I made this decision. It seems like every time we go somewhere or do something I want to take pictures. I think that makes me a pretty normal mom, and my family is all quite a distance from us so we take lots of pictures to share. But I have felt like we are taking so many that we are missing out on some of the fun. We really did forget the "real" camera (i.e. not the phones) and I decided to leave my phone in the van. If I didn't take it in, there was no temptation to use it. My husband took his phone, but he rarely uses the camera and we did not some way to tell time. Heaven forbid either of us wears a watch, right?

Anyway, we had a very good time. It was interesting to take in the differences. Instead of trying to get pictures and getting frustrated because they came out blurry or someone ran off before I could get the shot, I was more involved in what was happening. We bought the boys their first slushie and I got wrapped up in making faces with my oldest son. His tongue turned blue from the blue raspberry and we were taking turns sticking our tongues out at each other. I have to wonder if that would have happened if I was trying to get his picture instead.

And when my youngest son got hot and tired, we were able to get back to the van without anyone being disappointed about not getting pictures. We had a good time and I don't think anyone missed the camera. I was actually surprised with myself that I did not even think about the camera at all while we were in the zoo. It really never crossed my mind. I am pretty proud of that, actually. I'm hoping that the extra time we spent with the boys instead of behind the camera. I see a new trend in our future. That doesn't mean we will stop taking pictures all together, but I think that it's nice to not worry about it all the time.

Really, does the whole world need to see us eating Cheetos and Lunchables? No. Would my family enjoy the pictures. Yes. But I think they will forgive me for not taking pictures of it this time. And even if they don't, you know what? It's ok.

Baby Steps

We took a couple of baby steps yesterday, one with each boy. It's funny how I expected them to change as babies as they learned new skills and words. But I was a little taken aback with what happened yesterday.

My youngest son still had a baby monitor in his room until naptime yesterday. In short, he was playing with it and he broke the receiver in his room. My husband tried to fix it, but it was beyond repair. We talked about getting a new one, but honestly that is not in our budget right now. Since my son is 2, we also talked about how long he would really need one. We decided to see how he would do without it. You see, my oldest son will come get us up when he wakes up in the morning. My youngest won't. He will just talk or cry until one of us gets him up. You know what? He was fine.

Then came a big surprise. At dinner last night, my oldest son started talking about someone named Toby. After asking him some questions, I realized he has his first imaginary friend. According to him, Toby is black, hairless, toothless, doesn't eat and watches the dogs while we are gone. When I told my sister, she said that reminded her of Toothless in How to Train Your Dragon. Maybe, but we were informed today that Toby has no tail and likes to go to the library.

No longer do I have a home with a bouncy seat, onesies, a baby monitor, bottles or pacifiers. Instead of 2 babies, I have come to the realization that I have 2 toddlers that quickly becoming little, young men. I am a little sad, but also so excited for all of the adventures ahead of us. They still have so much to discover and learn. I think that's my favorite part of being a mom. Watching them get so excited when they learn or see or hear something new. I don't think that will ever get old. And I love showing them the path to learn and explore.

Let's see if I still feel that way when they leave for college.

Imperfect Moment

Tonight my oldest son taught me a lesson. I want to share it because even though I am not happy about how it happened, I think it's worth sharing.

I came to the realization awhile ago that sometimes I yell more than I like. I wouldn't consider myself a "yeller" because it doesn't happen all the time, but it is something I decided to work on. Tonight, I failed miserably.

My son was watching a show about bicycles to help him settle down for bed. He was more fidgety than normal and just would not sit still. I warned him about throwing toys by telling him to stop or we were going straight to bed without finishing the show. Well, he pushed the limits and I turned off the TV. He lost it; screaming, crying, throwing things, hitting me, etc. I told him to go to the bathroom to go potty before bed, per our routine. He yelled, "NO!" and ran into our bedroom. I got him out and told him to go to the bathroom. He ran under the kitchen table. That was when I lost my temper and yelled, "GET OUT FROM UNDER THERE!"

We finally made it to bed, with the fight continuing I might add. He asked me to sleep with him. Now what I have been doing on nights my husband works, is go check on my younger son and then come back to sit with my oldest until he settles. I told my oldest I needed a few minutes to calm down and then I would come back.

I debated on whether to go back or not, but after picking up books and toys and sweeping, I felt like I should at least talk to him a little about what happened. I walked into his room and laid down next to him in his racecar bed. He snuggled right up to me and I said, "I'm sorry I yelled at you." His response? "Mommy, you need to be careful with me."

WHOA.

He's right. So even though I know I may slip up, I am taking the Orange Rhino Challenge. Feel free to check it out for yourself. And hopefully, I will always remember to be careful.

Feeling the Guilt

I don't know how many of you out there reading this work outside of the home. In my experience, a lot of moms have to. Either you want to (like me, you would go out of your MIND staying at home) or you have to, but no matter what the reason it can still lead to guilt.

Now I don't want to make it sound like I don't want to be at home with my boys. If there was a way for me to stay home and get paid for it (without working), I absolutely would but that is not very realistic. If you have a trust fund, maybe. But leaving for work everyday or finding time to work from home almost always leads to guilt eventually. I remember working a job that I HATED, I mean absolutely HATED, and I had an hour commute each way, 5 days a week. I was pregnant with my second son and I had to leave every morning before my oldest woke up. I would cry the entire way there every day. It was awful.

But I don't feel as much guilt as I used to. Why? Because I am doing something that I enjoy. Yes, it hurts to be away from my boys. It will always hurt and it never gets easy. But I also know I am providing a good example for them by doing what I love to do. When they "grow up" I hope that they will be inspired to do what they love and not be concerned about how much money they make. I really don't think it should be about that.

Do you feel guilty? I think it's a good thing. It means you love your children and you don't like to be away from them. If you don't feel guilt, that's ok, too! All mommies need a break from time to time and some women use work as their break from their children. However you feel, just know that you are not alone and it's ok.

Success!

All of us have had those moments when we beat ourselves up over and over again for doing something "wrong" with our kids. We wonder if there is any way our kids will grow up to be normal adults because we are messing up so bad. And then, every once in awhile, we get a glimmer of hope. I got one of those gems today.

My boys have a book called, "It's OK to Be Different." It's by Todd Parr (if you want to check it out) and we got it as a gift. It talks a lot about how it's ok if you are not like everybody else. Well, we've read that book a lot and my oldest son is always excited about the page that talks about how it's ok to have a pet worm. Out of all the things that it talks about, how could that be the only thing he gets out of it? But, he's a boy so I never put much stock in it.

Then we watched "The Land Before Time" (remember that movie? Total classic!) and the dinosaurs started talking about how three horns don't play with long necks. My oldest asked me what that meant and I tried my best to explain that it meant that they weren't playing together because they were different. Then he unexpectedly walks up to the TV and says to the dinosaurs, "It's ok to be different. You can play together." I was completely blown away.

When I realized what he had said and where it came from, I was so happy that my husband and I had created such a sweet little boy. He understood something we had taught him and he was able to apply it to a situation without any intervention from us. We did something right! But we cannot stop here. This is the first of many lessons that he needs to learn in life.

I give you this story because it is always easy to look at the negative and destroy ourselves as parents when our kids make mistakes. When you get a moment like this (and I promise you will), hand on to it as hard as you can. Bring it back to your mind when things get tough. You will be surprised at what your little ones will teach you, if you are open to receiving it.