So, I just finished my first semester as a doctoral student. I don't have my grades back yet, but I am sort of freaking out that I'm going to be getting at least one B. I'm not used to getting B's, I get A's, that's why I'm in a doctoral program. Other than the fact that I am a big nerd and I love this stuff. As I have been trying to accept this, I came to a few realizations and have been focusing on what I did accomplish.
I DID read 161 articles, books, book chapters, and other readings for my classes and the work I was doing. HOLY COW. Seeing it in numbers makes it seem ridiculous. But, I DID IT. I did it with 2 kids and I did it all on time.
I DID all of my assignments, turned them in on time, and I never asked for special treatment or an extension because of my kids. That included weekly summaries, 2 term papers, a book review, and 4 problem sets for statistics. I made time for all of my work, even if it meant drinking a huge amount of coffee to combat my lack of sleep.
I DID tuck my kids in to bed every night and read them stories. I was always here to say good night. That's a big deal for me. I've always wanted to make sure that happened, and it has been accomplished.
I DID survive an enormous amount of health/behavior issues with my kids. The first weekend after classes started, my youngest son had to spend the night in the hospital for croup. My oldest son has been diagnosed with a lazy eye and has to wear a patch and glasses. To find this out, it meant driving over an hour into Houston to see a specialist. My youngest son became a biter at daycare because he was frustrated. He was evaluated and found to have a communication delay, which now means therapy twice a month. We've had wellness checks at the doctor for both of them. We are working on seeing an audiologist for my youngest son to make sure his hearing is not impacting his speech. But I was there for every appointment.
I am not telling you all of this to brag (OK, maybe a little). I am trying to make a point. I did all of this because it was what I wanted. I want to be a good mom, and I am. I want to be a student, and I am. I want to earn my PhD, and I am. I am doing what I love, doing what I want and because of that, I am making it work. Everyone should be fortunate enough to be able to do that. If you are not following your dreams because you are scared, don't be. If you are worried about being able to do it all, don't be. If you are afraid it will take you away from your children, don't be. If it is truly what you want, you can make it work. It will be hard. It will be tiring. It will be stressful. At times, you will want to give up. DON'T. At times, you will doubt yourself. DON'T.
You will be so glad you did. Trust me.
